embraced by Grace

It makes me a little apprehensive when I title a post "part 1" because I have just tied myself to at least a "part 2". I wrote this several days ago, but have held off on posting it because I really wanted to immediately post a "part 2" after a "part 1". But here I am posting "1" without yet having a "2". I think I'm closer, but not yet there. And I'm gonna choose to let that be alright.

so, part one...


Waiting.
Waiting for God.
For Him to speak, to move.
Waiting sometimes can be one of the hardest things when your heart is so hopeful.
It seems like in the beginning it is tough to wait, but then a little while later the idea seems to settle in. You understand that sometimes you do have to wait for good things, and the thing you are hoping for is good, rendering it worth the wait. Hopeful, you’re ok, waiting in the wait.
Then it happens, slowly and quickly all at the same time. For a while now, you’ve chosen to push away the thoughts of “this will never happen.”, “it won’t come through.”, “I’m waiting in vain.” But all of a sudden, those individual thoughts resurface, this time as with the weight of a hurricane hitting the shore full force. It now seems like those doubts cannot be stopped, no matter how many times previously you had managed to keep them at bay. Not this time. You want to; you want to push them away, to continue to believe, to continue to hope but the waves of utter uncertainty, paralyzing fear, and dramatic emotion instead rush over you threatening to drown you. You’re not sure if you’re going to make it out of this one; Sure, you’ve made it before, but not this time. It all seems too much. You may wonder, why doesn’t God save me now? Why doesn’t it seem like He’s coming through, like He said He would? Why don’t you feel Him? You so much want to see your own heart changed, to be healed and whole.
There’s nothing left to do, but to continue the wait...But how should that look when you feel like you need more faith?
Jesus, I can’t wait for You without You, and yet I know You’re here....



...Because what better picture to post with "waiting" than a preggers belly..... :) (i took this photo of a dear friend when she was about 8 months along with baby number 2)