whoa. deep breath. things are finally slowing down a bit! well, at least for today, anyway. i'm in the midst of a busy season, but such a sweet one! (the busyness is quite welcomed after a very chilled break.) i've been back in Tennessee for about 3 weeks now.
i am absolutely loving my job! so much so, that i actually have a hard time quitting at the end of the day. i am honored to be part of this ChristWay team; they love Jesus, they love people, and have a wild passion for serving the church. it's such a cool picture of how God has crafted each of just so, in order to do our jobs. every person on that team is brilliantly gifted and skilled; yet there is no way we could do each others' jobs. we were simply, yet complicatedly, made to do what God has called us to do.
i'm so looking forward to seeing what Jesus is gonna do through and in this place, and in the life of the church.
in other great news: in less than a week, the love of my life and i will finally be in the same town, and for good this time! this journey has been interesting and unique, and definitely an adventure for the two of us. we have recognized that, for us, this season of a long distance relationship has been a good thing. God has used it to grow both of us, to Him and to each other. With that said, seasons do change, and boy are we ready for this transition! we are both just beyond excited, and are anxious for these next few days to pass quickly. what a great Christmas present!
i loved galavanting off to the northwest (and then the south-ish west) for the last 5 years. i have had so many adventures and experiences that have shaped into the woman that God is calling me to be. some of those experiences were sweet, some bitter, and others right in the middle; you got it - bittersweet. some i've understood, and others i'm still awaiting explanation. but in all cases, i trust Jesus. i trust that He's still growing me and that His love for me is immeasurable. which is why i can SO look forward to the coming seasons of life. and right now, i'm delighted to be back in Tennessee. to be close to my family, and Joey's. and with Joey, to love and serve Jesus and the folks around us here. it's gonna be great!....
oh yeah, and one of those coming season changes involves this blog... so don't go too far. details to come!
I've often spoken of the term 'process' on my blog. And in conversations. Many of them. My friend Jenn would say that if there is a word that I use more than any other in describing life, it would be process.
It's because sanctification is a process. It's sometimes a gruesome journey but with a worthy ending, thus making it a beautiful process. I was reading 1 Timothy this morning and got a sweet glimpse of Paul's relationship to Timothy. He covered so many topics in his letter to a young man whom which he was entrusting the torch of ministry. He calls Timothy his son in the faith and encourages him to live a godly example even in his youth. Timothy seems to very much be on the right track in godly living, and yet in Paul's greeting he quickly prays that the Lord give him grace, mercy, and peace. In chapter 4, Paul talks about training for godliness.""Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come." This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it. This is why we work hard and continue to struggle, for our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all people and particularly of all believers." This resonates specifically with me right now as I have recently started some physical training for our upcoming wedding. As I write, I am so sore. The gym kicked my tail yesterday and I'm feeling the pain today. Even though it hurts and it's tough, it'll be worth it. The same truth applies to training for godliness. It isn't always easy, and often the sanctification process calls that I deny myself and be obedient to Christ. But there is grace. :) I flipped over to Hebrews 4 after I finished 1 Timothy to one of my favorite passages. It's the last section in Hebrew 4. "This High Priest of ours (Jesus) understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, and yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." God knows we need Him, we need his grace. He's the One that started this process in us, and He will be faithful to complete it. I love knowing that it's o.k. to come before Jesus when I've blown it, or feel like I'm about to blow it, or when I just feel tired, or when I'm joyful beyond belief and just want to enjoy that with Him. I love the way that Jesus has and continues to capture my heart. His love is overwhelming. He saved me and is in the process of training me in His ways. he's replacing my heart with His. All in His grace and mercy. Unbelievable...yet it is!
Joey asked me to marry him and I absolutely said yes!
It was the best proposal ever...on top of Pike's Peak in Colorado :)
Looking forward to being Mrs. Joey Wilson on May 1, 2010!
We tried to do a video blog to tell the story and had some techy troubles. hopefully we'll get the whole story posted in a couple of weeks!
Glocal. Global and Local.
This concept has been spinning around in my head all day long, specifically how we as the church engage at the local level and at the global level. I know this isn't a new concept - I mean, I heard and talked often about this topic as a "Moody". I was in a unique place - though I'm not sure I realized how privileged it was at the time - of being at a school that was constantly in the know about what was happening globally in missions. I also happened to have the opportunity to work with two local church plants over the course of 5ish years. I had a sweet bird's eye view of what glocal looked like in the church.
I most personally was involved at the local level, and would say that I had an awareness of what was going on globally. My time was definitely spent being divided between school, work, and the local church.
Now that I'm a Grad, the view is a bit different. My heart is still drawn to the local church and I feel strongly that in this season - and maybe for a lifetime - my ministry will be to the local American church. But I'm wondering, is God calling me to a global mindset at the same time and if so, what does that look like? How do you fully engage in one and also not neglect the other?
What are your thoughts on this, People who love Jesus... Do you find yourself being able to engage in both and indeed be glocal? And if so, what does that look like for you?
I've been reflecting a lot lately on how things are changing in my life and what God is doing. It's exciting, scary, adventurous, risky. Sometimes I only feel one of those emotions at a time, and other times they all seem to cascade together simultaneously. Overall, I have to say that I am more excited than anything. Perhaps even a bit surprised at the plan God seems to be unfolding before me. Definitely more of an adventure than I dreamt. I've found myself almost wondering if it's but a dream from which I could awake at any moment. Then, I realize it's real. Things seem to be going so well, that I am too quick to consider that something perhaps may wreck it all at any second.
I was having yet another one of those moments of just thanking God for Who He is in my life and what He's doing in me, when all of a sudden....I heard it.
The Voice that I haven't heard that clearly in quite a while. Despite the time that had passed since the last encounter, the Voice was all too familiar. I used to hear it frequently, almost constantly. It's pretty much the same song every time, it just continues writing new verses.
It's the Voice that screams, "look where you've come from", "look what you've done", ""your past will always follow", "you stand guilty", and "you will never really be free". "What stupid, stupid decisions you've made." "What - no - Were you thinking?".
This loop would seem to play over and over. Eventually, Jesus taught me to listen to His voice, and shut the other ones out.
Those occasions of the Voice's return are few and far between these days.
As I heard it this time, I was caught off guard. At the first sentence, it seemed to cut deep. What if it were true?!
And then, just as soon as I finished that sentence in my mind, I was reminded of this: "If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed."
I absolutely loves the way that Jesus uses the Holy Scripts to transform and renew our minds!
And, it's so incredible to realize that this Voice isn't a lie I buy into even a tenth of what I used to!
Part of me never wants to forget where I've come from. I know as much as I can in my own depravity the depth from which Jesus had to pick me up time and time and time and time again. I'm sure there will be plenty more. But I know that I am covered, soaked, marinated, in the grace of Jesus Christ and it is beyond more than enough. It keeps me humble to remember, but He lifts my face up to walk as a bearer of His glory. And dangit, I'm learning to walk in His grace and glory the rest of my days.
The enemy wants nothing more than to deceive us into thinking that God doesn't fully offer what He says He does. It simply isn't true. Jesus really does set us free - Just a small part of the Good News!
Hmmm, I feel like this blog post is a bit southern sounding, no? I've only been out of the northwest for a matter of weeks and I'm not even back in the south yet! Oh man......
I'm not really sure why this is, but sometimes when changes are happening in my life it takes a while for me to write about it. Generally, it may make it in my journal but it usually takes a while for things to get to the blog. Maybe I just need time to process it all?! Well, there are some pieces of news I need to update on I suppose. (Although I think that most of you who follow my blog have probably already heard! :))
To recap a bit: Post graduation, I headed to Seattle for the summer. It was a good summer in the sense that it was good for me. Much of it, however, was lonely. I got to spend time and lots of it with Jesus, and it was necessary for some healing to happen in my heart and to figure some things out. While there, I decided to go to grad school and picked Colorado Springs. One reason was because there is a school here that I like but mostly, it's because one of my BFF's Jenn lives here. I was totally excited about moving to CO and starting grad school in January.
In the meantime after I decided to move but wasn't quite in CO yet, I took a trip home to Tennessee. Some conversations had been happening with a church there over the a possibility me coming on staff with them. I'm gonna spare much of the detail but long story short, I met with the church leaders on that visit. I got to hear their heart, their passion, their vision. God was leading them and myself in the same direction.... and they offered me a job which I gladly accepted. So for now, I'm in Colorado for a few months and then I will move to Tennessee to join staff at Christway Community Church!!! I could not be more excited, or more certain that this is where God is leading. And if you are wondering, Jenn is entirely ok with all this. In fact, she's pretty ecstatic with me because the girl is my friend, and because she sees what the Lord is doing. So, grad school is still in the picture and I'm now checking into a few schools that I'm interested in in that area.
It's been so amazing to see how God has directed and provided for me. Even since I've been in Colorado, I got a full-time job the first week I got here (and at a cool retail store which will infinitely help my wardrobe and cool factor lol)
I'm really excited to be on the adventure I am right now. Excited to play in Colorado for a few months with my awesome friend/roomie, excited to learn much while I'm here to prep me for the next steps, excited to look ahead towards Tennessee - being closer to my fam and serving alongside an incredible staff team at Christway.
I put this pic up because it simply reminds me of beauty. Beauty of God's creativity in - well, creating. Creating mountains to look like that! Creating a plan that fits so well together. Continuing to create His heart in me. Just beauty all around.
Have I mentioned yet that I'm excited?! Because I so am!!!
And hey - if you live in TN and I haven't seen your face in a while - which is most of you - then please let's grab some coffee cause i would love to catch up!
No, not the UT Vols scoring. Just me landing in Rocky Top.
I am dog-tired still. Flight from Seattle departed at midnight on Saturday, so needless to say I pretty much missed a night's sleep. But hey- I survived college with occasional all-nighters so I can pull on more, right?! I don't know, it seems more like there is a special grace you get in college to do things like that. I only graduated a couple months ago, but I am still trying to recover from the flight sleep loss! Either way,....well worth it!
I heart Tennessee. I love seeing my family - my amazing family! Hugging on them. Getting to spend time with them.
I am absolutely ecstatic at the thought that I will be living much closer here in a few weeks. Colorado is still far - a 24 hour drive - but at least it is only 1 flight away, not two or three, and it is about half the cost. Hopefully, this means that trips back to the hometown may happen more frequently. Oh I hope so!
Besides my fam - and other folks here who I dearly love there are other small things that make it a favorite place to visit.
Like.... the sound of crickets at night, downpours of rain - and it stays hot instead of getting really cold, Mexican food, sweet tea, hearing southern accents.
So what about you? What are some of your favorite things about the place you grew up, where you live now, or your fave place to visit?
It's almost 1 am. I'm at that sleepy, yet awake stage. My gal pal Leann and I had a girls night of which included me downing about half a bottle of Cherry Coke Zero (1/2 of a 20 oz that is lol) in order to ensure I stayed awake through the chick flick. Well it worked, and now I need to go to bed but alas, here I am blogging.
Oh the thoughts that come from head to keyboard late at night...
At the risk of sounding really hyper spiritual, I will say that the thoughts running through my mind right now have much to do with the grace of God. Especially how much He lavishes it on undeserving recipients.
Part of the grace that I see right now in my own life has to do with community. It amazes me how God places us in conversations with folks, and that it is so mutually encouraging. I've had the privilege of talking to a couple of different friends in the last 2 days and honestly, out of those conversations - it makes me want to follow Jesus more. It stirs something within me to rise up and walk out who God has made me to be. It increases an appetite to know God, and to imitate Him. Even though some of those thoughts/ideas are never mentioned. It's His grace; His strength; His encouragement to His kids. And the cool part is that He is using us kids to teach each other. Sharpen each other like iron.
Process has been another word meandering in and out of my mind today. (for those of you who have followed my blog, this is no surprise right?! lol) A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting out on the dock overlooking the lake. I didn't have too much on the agenda; I was reading, and enjoying the sunshine, and maybe a little people (and pup) watching. I noticed this man playing fetch with his dog. He would throw a stick into the water and give the dog a command to go get it. Most of the time, the dog went straight to the stick, and when he got there his owner cheered like crazy! I'm talking whenthevolsscoreatouchdowninrockytop kind of cheering! Then, the same process was repeated. There were a few times however when the dog didn't seem to see where the stick landed; he still went out into the water as far as he could go, then when he wasn't sure he pretty much just stopped. The dog waited for his owner to give him a directional command as to where the stick was (which I couldn't understand by the way) and the dog would get a little further. Sometimes, the dog would get turned around, and the owner would call out a different command. Eventually, the owner led the dog to the stick where the owner cheered relentlessly, and the dog would return to the shore, stick in mouth, to do a repeat. This whole scenario was quite captivating for me and I started to journal thoughts about how I think that God works with us in a similar manner. We go where He leads, and when we think we aren't sure we wait for His next direction. And here is the cool part: God actually is cheering us on! He continues to encourage, like any good parent would, and then goes crazy with excitement when we get it! There are so many grace moments, opportunities to learn, and chances for victory. It is a process; it takes time to train and to learn.
I like that the pup didn't stop. He wanted to please his master, and he seemed to be having a heck of a fun time while doing it! Not only do we get God encouraging us in those moments where it is just the two of us, we also get moments with the rest of humanity. We get to journey together, making up the Body of Christ, and walk this thing out together. Simply amazing.
My eyelids are getting really heavy; the Coke Zero must be wearing off. It's time for sleep...yet another evidence of grace!
psalm 36:5-7ish (msg)
God's love is meteoric,
his loyalty astronomic,
His purpose titanic,
his verdicts oceanic.
Yet in his largeness, nothing gets lost;
Not a man, not a mouse, slips through the cracks.
How exquisite your love, O God!
How eager we are to run under your wings!
I turned on the tv this morning and started flipping through channels, while multi-tasking of course - being online and eating breakfast. My attention was caught by what I thought was a high speed car chase broadcast by our local news station. I guess if you know who my father (former policeman, current fire/rescue chief) and brother (member of the rescue squad) are then it's no surprise that I was now enamored with this chase. The multi-tasking had stopped and I only could focus on the tv; I did not, after all, want to miss a moment!
The chase involved a guy in a little Honda. The cop was chasing him and every time the police tried to cut him off, he would swerve to try and hit their car. He ran a few red lights thankfully with no repercussions. Then he came up behind a car who apparently wasn't moving fast enough for him - and he rammed it. Another cop car cut him off and the bad guy got out of his car, hands up in the air, was tackled by the police and cuffed.
It turns out the Honda was stolen and drug paraphernalia was found inside. Pretty typical huh?! But here's the thing....
My heart broke for this guy. I welled up with emotion when I saw the look on his face. All I could think about was how broken he must be to be making the decisions that led him to his current circumstances. Prior to that moment, my thoughts were that he was a complete inconsiderate fool for putting so many other people at risk, and injuring the driver of the car that he hit. Though he is obviously responsible for those decisions - and yes it was wrong, I still experienced an amount of compassion for this man that I can assure you did not begin with my flesh. It simply had to be a glimpse of the heart of Jesus toward people. Especially people who seem to really, really not deserve it. Then again...I am one of those people. I don't deserve His grace, yet He lavished it upon me.
What I was watching on tv wasn't actually a broadcast from the local news station; it was an episode of COPS. That kinda cracked me up a bit; I wonder if it stirred my heart a bit more to think that this guy was in my town, that this chase had happened in recent hours. I don't know, but I do know that I want to experience God's heart towards people. More often. And not just through the tv.
glorious.
This word has been consistent in my mind over the last few days. Partially because of the view I was able to behold a couple of days ago. I was working out on the deck at the restaurant; the sun was setting and it was absolutely clear. Then, the right side of the sky darkened and rain started drizzling, casting a yellow tint over the lake. The sunset took on hues of orange and pink. These words do not even come close to describing that view. Those moments. The only thing I could think of was....glorious.
The second reason that it may be in my head is because David Crowder's Remedy album has been consistently playing.
And then, there was today. I just had a glorious evening with Jesus. He knows exactly what it takes to capture my heart, and He continues to surprise and overwhelm me over and over again...thus the continuum of glorious dancing about my brain.
I'm moving to Colorado Springs, CO! The plan is to pursue grad school for a counseling degree!
The move date is around September 1st. I am SO excited about this new adventure. I'm not exactly sure what all the details are yet, and hopefully the logistics will become more clear in the next month.
A really, sweet icing on the cake is that I'm going to be living with my friend Jenn and we are like peas in a pod!
Ah, it feels great to have made a decision. And especially to have made this one! I have long since had a love affair with the Colorado area since I was about 13 when my parents took me on my first ski trip to Breckenridge. And, it's gonna be great to be a lot closer to Tennessee (cheaper flights!!). I'm so looking forward to seeing where God leads in the months to come and I'm also happy to be able to enjoy another month in the Seattle area!
I read this a couple of days ago, and it's been resonating in me ever since...
It's from Lamentations 3 in The Message.
But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:
God's loyal love couldn't have run out, His merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over.)
He's all I've got left...
God proves to be good...
It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God...
The Master won't ever walk out and fail to return. If He works severely, He also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal love are immense...
It wasn’t intentional, and nothing tumultuous or tragic happened; it just took a couple of weeks and a little bit of moving. A necklace, a ring, and an earring: 3 separate pieces now combined into a tangled mess. Before I knew it I had one of the biggest knots I’d seen. The chain of the necklace had wrapped around itself, and the other two pieces of jewelry. That has happened before, but it was never that tangled. There were more tiny knots than I could even see to count.
It took a lot of patience to untangle it. A few times I even thought about ripping it just to get it undone. But since I really like the chain on that necklace, I decided against it. I just kept working at it and working at it and eventually it was freed....well almost. There is still a tiny little knot that I can’t get out, but it’s definitely wear-able again.
God was teaching me a lesson as I sat and untangled that knot. It’s quite comparable to our lives sometimes. We don’t intentionally tangle things up, nothing terribly tragic has happened; we try to play it safe but we just aren’t that intentional with keeping things in order. We shift something around here or there, but don’t think much of it. We see a little knot start to form, but it’s happened before and we’ve successfully untangled it...so we can do it again. And then one day, we look at a couple things in our life and realize we have a huge tangled knot. Try to fix it as we may, we can’t get it undone.
Our God is patient. And He knows how to untangle. He sees the miniscule details of how the knot formed and His fingers are precise to undo what we can’t. Just as I was careless about the jewelry, sometimes I can be that way with life. It has to continually come back to a place of engaging in my relationship with Jesus. To take care of that stuff while it’s still small - no, rather to let Jesus take care of it. Absolutely nothing is beyond God’s capacity to figure out; He can do and undo what we can’t. His love and faithfulness are constant and fresh. And I want to live in that; not just letting Him untangle things when it gets to the point that I can’t. I wanna be vulnerable with God, letting Him deal with my fears and insecurities as they come up, so that it doesn’t turn into a big knot. I know there will be times that it does, and when it happens, God’s got me. But I’d rather rest in His presence, staying engaged with Jesus, being intentional and not lazy... Resting in Jesus.
I still have that little knot it my necklace. And for now, I’m going to leave it as a reminder. It’s interesting...this necklace I’m talking about has two inscriptions. One one side it says hagios which is the Greek word for holy, and on the other it says charis which is the Greek word for grace....all kinds of reminders in this one!
Strangely, I've been rather quiet in the blogging world about the move to Everett. And I'm not really sure why. I think maybe it's because when I blog, I think I should have a whole story. I mean, unless I have a cool picture, it doesn't do much justice to drop a one liner now does it?! I got away with that briefly about a week ago when I lumped several one liners into a post of things I needed to post about. And now I have posted about every other thing. Except for Everett.
I'm not really sure what the story is yet. This move didn't and doesn't make much logical sense to me. I mean, I pick up from a community of which I'm very established. Friends, church - where I was doing what I wanted to do regarding ministry with people I loved, a job (waiting tables yes - but making great money at a great restaurant) - to move even farther from home. But a few months ago, I felt transition was coming. I couldn't totally explain it and I didn't know what areas of my life it would affect - or if would even leave any areas of my life untouched. I simply didn't know. I just felt it coming.
Let me give a short and sweet version of the back story about Everett. Two + years ago, I started going to Living Hope. Joe and Charity Slawter were pastoring. They had planted and pastored LH for 10 years, and back in November felt God leading them to Everett, Wa (just outside of Seattle) for Joe to go on staff at New Life as a church planting pastor. (Basically, he coaches people in church planting.) Fast forward - we began talking about me coming to Everett as well (and wait just to clarify - I am not planting a church right now :)) So, one week after college graduation and one week ago, I packed up and headed - even farther - west.
So far, the transition is pretty much as I had expected it to be. So many of these parts remind me of when I moved to Coeur d'Alene... and then to Spokane. It's exciting to be in a new place. And it's scary. New surroundings and new people. I'm meeting new people all the time. And yet I'm lonely. I haven't found a niche yet. I miss my friends dearly. I miss normalcy. New surroundings. New people. New adventures. It's part of it. But it's only been a week. It won't always be new. And it won't always feel awkward. It just takes some settling in.
When I first thought and talked and prayed about moving here, I wasn't sure where God was leading. In lots of ways, I sensed Him giving me some open options. But the closer it came to moving, the more I thought that this move to Everett was the the right thing for right now. And that's as far as I can get. Even though this is still very much a bittersweet adventure, I really think God has me here for a purpose right now. He is teaching me SO much. This morning even, I am just awed by His grace. There's something about being out of the comfort zone that makes me think a little differently and realize all the more my desperate need for God. And that's a good place to be, even though it feels far from good.
The Slawters are loving on me well, and I'm really excited to see what God is unfolding in that BIG plan of His.
Thanks for reading.
I miss you and love you like crazy!
Some of my sweet family came out to Spokane for graduation. Most of these are at the lake, and the one with Brooke is from Gooey's a dessert place at the Marina.
I wanted to get a little bit of a tan before graduation. So as not to resemble
Casper in the pictures, I decided to go to the fake and bake for a few sessions. Five to
be exact. Sessions one, two, and three went fairly well. Hadnʼt gotten myself fried.
Could tell I was getting a hint of color. Pretty good overall. Well, for session four I
decided to up the time limit so I would get my moneyʼs worth, right?! And I did. I was a
bit burnt, but still not a lobster. I was pleased with my most recent session and was
smiling at my newly forming little tan...until I saw them. The two bare white patches right
at my chest/armpit. How in the world did those not et tan?!, I wondered. Then, I realized
it....”the girls” were covering up those spots while I was tanning! Ok, now I had to
strategize to use my next (and last) number five session. I did what any rational girl
would do and sought out the advice of a couple girlfriends who are regular tanners.
They gave me some great tips and I was ready to go back and get evened out.
Between some shifting around and awkward positions, it worked; I came out with an
even color!
This got me to thinking though and I found some similarities in my spiritual life. I
thought about those spots in my life that I donʼt always expose to the light of God. (I
realize that this analogy is completely cheesy, but hey it is what it is!) Ok, back to it...
For whatever reason, there are some parts that seem to stay under the shade of
something else. Possibly because I donʼt realize it or maybe because Iʼm intentionally
hiding those parts that I donʼt want to expose. But truthfully, I want all of me to be laid
bare before God; to surrender every single part of who I am to Him. He is safe. He is
trustworthy. He knows infinitely better than me. I wanted an even bake in the tanning
bed, so why not also desire to be evenly cooked by God?! I continually pray that He
grows me and matures me, and brings me to a place of knowing Him more intimately.
In this growth process (yes, thereʼs that word again!), I donʼt just want to pick and
choose parts that He can sanctify and then hide others. Realistically, and thankfully,
God has an incredible plan to sanctify ALL of me. After all, the work that God starts He
brings to full completion and He is faithful to do so. I can rest in that, and I also want to
cooperate with God regarding what He is doing in me, what He is growing, what He is
changing. I want to be willing to work with Him to shift me around - sometimes finding
myself in awkward positions - for the sake of knowing that God is doing an all over work
in me. :)
... to blog about!
I probably have at least about 4 blog posts that I could have done in the past week or so.
I just really haven't had the time.
Here are some highlights of what each post would be (and possibly will be now that I'll have some more time on my hands):
* Graduation from Moody. Exactly one week ago tomorrow. Wow!
* Spending a greater part of the week with some of my fam who came out to SpokWa for graduation.
* Some thoughts on God, the tanning bed, and getting cooked evenly.
* The move to Everett. (For those of you who haven't heard, I'm moving to the Seattle area, Everett specifically.) Leaving tomorrow.
Bitter.Sweet.
As for now, I'm still not quite ready to bring any of these posts to actuality, but I think soon I will be able to blog about...so much!
My friend Jenn just wrote a great post, to which I commented on her blog. Good stuff, people! In italics is a portion of Jenn's post, and what follows is the comment I posted.
When He is all I have, He is all I need. At times I feel like I have to pretend that it’s true so I can fake-it-to-make-it. And at other times, when there is no tidy solution or easy fix, I find myself certain that trusting in His faithfulness to carry me through is the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
He is my Keeper. And that is enough for me.
“When He is all I have, He is all I need”. I really love that God puts us in those positions to have – or feel like we have – nothing but Him. I mean, I hate it at first, and in the middle, and almost to the end but once I realize what He’s doing – that He is being jealous over me, then it gets to the lovin’ it part. I guess I don’t always realize that’s what God is doing. Often I get stuck in the sovereignty battle and just want God to give me whatever I want and fix it so I will feel better. So much of this, I think, is a lifelong thing. God shows us that He is all we need in a myriad of circumstances and life seasons. I think I’m in that spot now in one of the many life seasons of which God will be teaching me this same thing; God is really trying to show me that He is all I need but I’m still in the ‘I’m kinda mad about it because I think I’m not getting what I want” phase; but really, the true desire of my heart is to want Him. Even when I don’t always feel like that is my desire. I love that Jesus works those things out in us; I think it’s partially the result of us working together with God, ya those times when we pray to know that God is all we need (forgetting of course what a difficult thing that is to learn!) and partially just that God is a good and gracious Dad, giving us the very best even when we don’t see what the best actually is.
...and counting down. In exactly 10 days, I will be a college graduate, with my Bachelor's in Biblical Studies.
w.o.w.
I just finished writing my next to last paper. This one was for my Genesis class. And secretly (and now publicly) I really enjoyed it. The research. The reflecting. The writing. As much as I truly do want to be out of school, I think there are parts of it that I will probably still continue. Like researching, reflecting, and writing on Biblical passages. :)
The next paper I have to write will likely be the biggest paper of my undergraduate career. It's a combo paper between a detailed doctrinal statement and how I am wired/prepared for ministry. That will be my last paper. Then I will get my degree. Finally.
In 3 hours, then there will be nine...
I guess it's been long enough in between post 1 on waiting to post the number 2. Not that I have any more answers, just some more thoughts...
Sometimes when I interact with folks, I get to hear some great stories. They provide me with a view of their life like a little slice of sweet fruit. Not the whole thing, I mean rarely do we really see the whole of whatever is going on in our lives, but a bit of their story. I have heard stories of people waiting a long time for__________ (fill in the blank). They pray, they hope, and they continue to wrestle out their faith in the waiting. Some people have waited a really long time; it makes me look like a wuss with my whining about the waiting.
What if waiting wasn't just about the wait though? What if it were about preparation?
What if our God - who knows us infinitely more than we know ourselves - is getting us ready for whatever it is that we are hoping for? Consider Abraham, he waited and waited and waited on God's promise and even died still hoping even though he didn't get to see the complete fulfillment of the promise. Think about the Israelites as they were wandering in the wilderness. God wasn't just making them wait for the heck of it; they had to be ready to step into the land God had promised them - and it took said amount of time to get them there. It seems like we have such a timeline for everything, but the truth is: not everyone graduates college in 4 years. And not that it's bad if you do, but it likewise isn't bad if you don't. I'm talking about much more than just college. We have all these expectations of what life is supposed to look like at each age and then become frustrated when we aren't there yet. But maybe, it's that God is still preparing us. Maybe the wait becomes much easier when we grasp that God is still doing something in us WHILE we wait. It has a purpose.
It still doesn't mean we won't struggle and wrestle. I think that's part of growing. But in that, it means our faith is growing too. And that beings me back to the word with which I have a love/hate relationship: process. It's a process. And waiting's part of it.
Good. I'm glad I caught your attention. :)
Happy Mother's Day!
I miss you like crazy and so wish I could hang out with you today. I am so glad that you are coming out my way soon - 2 weeks and 5 days if you're counting. ..who am I kidding?! You are SO counting! lol
Mom, you are amazing! There is no way I could have asked for a Mom who loves me more than you do. You might be the most selfless person that I have ever met - barring Jesus of course ;) You have absolutely been my number one cheerleader and supporter. I know that you believe in me. Thanks for that, Mom! And - you are so much fun! You are hilariously funny, always up for a laugh. I love your adventurous spirit - I may have caught a hint of that. You are by far my favorite person on the planet to go shopping with! (we are so doing that soon; be thinking of a way now to set up a man plan so we can steal away to the mall!) I love watching you with my sisters and with their babies. You love so well. That should be said again, you love so well. From our family, to any and everybody that my sisters and I have brought home over the years. You make people feel welcomed and cared about. And it makes me feel even more loved when you love on people I love. :) I really enjoy watching you love Jesus. And to beat it all Mom - You are gorgeous to boot!
I hope that a whole bunch of the woman you are rubs off on me.
I do love you. So much. (Imagine I get to hug you now ;) )
Can't wait to see you soon; I hope that you have an incredible day today!
I rise up and call you blessed.
It makes me a little apprehensive when I title a post "part 1" because I have just tied myself to at least a "part 2". I wrote this several days ago, but have held off on posting it because I really wanted to immediately post a "part 2" after a "part 1". But here I am posting "1" without yet having a "2". I think I'm closer, but not yet there. And I'm gonna choose to let that be alright.
so, part one...
Waiting.
Waiting for God.
For Him to speak, to move.
Waiting sometimes can be one of the hardest things when your heart is so hopeful.
It seems like in the beginning it is tough to wait, but then a little while later the idea seems to settle in. You understand that sometimes you do have to wait for good things, and the thing you are hoping for is good, rendering it worth the wait. Hopeful, you’re ok, waiting in the wait.
Then it happens, slowly and quickly all at the same time. For a while now, you’ve chosen to push away the thoughts of “this will never happen.”, “it won’t come through.”, “I’m waiting in vain.” But all of a sudden, those individual thoughts resurface, this time as with the weight of a hurricane hitting the shore full force. It now seems like those doubts cannot be stopped, no matter how many times previously you had managed to keep them at bay. Not this time. You want to; you want to push them away, to continue to believe, to continue to hope but the waves of utter uncertainty, paralyzing fear, and dramatic emotion instead rush over you threatening to drown you. You’re not sure if you’re going to make it out of this one; Sure, you’ve made it before, but not this time. It all seems too much. You may wonder, why doesn’t God save me now? Why doesn’t it seem like He’s coming through, like He said He would? Why don’t you feel Him? You so much want to see your own heart changed, to be healed and whole.
There’s nothing left to do, but to continue the wait...But how should that look when you feel like you need more faith?
Jesus, I can’t wait for You without You, and yet I know You’re here....
...Because what better picture to post with "waiting" than a preggers belly..... :) (i took this photo of a dear friend when she was about 8 months along with baby number 2)
We had such a great time of worship at Living Hope this morning! My friend Miranda sang this song by Kim Walker (Jesus Culture). It was so good to hear this song this morning as it happens to be one of my favorites. Check out the song....
Pudding is one of my favorite things to eat. Sugar free. Fat free. And my very favorite way to eat it....is frozen. If you haven't tried this, you totally should. The beauty in it is that you can have an ice cream like treat, without as much of the bad stuff. Now, it doesn't come close to replacing Diddier's Frozen Yogurt (a local SpokWa fave) or Coldstone Creamery, but it's still a great home treat. There is one little trick though; when you pull it out of the freezer, it's way harder than you really want it to be, so I stick it in the microwave for a bit. Tonight, when I was putting it in the microwave I thought I may have put it in for just a few seconds too long. When I pulled out my pudding, I had a flashback of a childhood memory (which is actually the main point of this post!)...
Isn't it annoying when things just aren't as they should be? Like when things that are supposed to be hot, are actually cold....or vise versa??
When I pulled my pudding cup out, already fearing that I may have nuked it too long, the side plastic piece was hot. It was this moment that flooded in a piece of my past kid world. Before I go on with what the kid story actually is, I will tell you that I indeed did not melt my pudding too much; it was perfectly cold and creamy. But - a second longer and it could have been a disaster! ;)
This moment of something that I thought was going to be cold still and indeed was hot, reminded me of Kid Cuisine's. Anyone remember those...the kids' tv dinner with the little penguin? I use to love, and I mean LOVE Kid Cuisine's. Love them as I did though, the darn things never seemed to cook correctly. The main part of the dinner usually cooked fine, but often I was left with cold corn and an overcooked, gooey, brownie. I could not get them to all heat evenly!
I must not have minded too much because I still had a blast picking out the different dinners at the grocery store. Usually didn't even matter what was on the inside, it was just this whole idea of a TV dinner that made me excited. The other thing I remember about eating Kid Cuisine is watching Nickelodeon at the same time with my Mom. I'm sure there were a lot of little shows that I liked, but I specifically remember Flipper, the dolphin. That show was one of my very favorites! I even wanted to be a dolphin trainer when I grew up!
I will add a disclaimer in here: you may have to check with my mom to see if some of these things are actually true. I was only about 4ish years old at the time, and am only telling it how I remember it.
This Kid Cuisine/Nick fest only happened for a really short period of my little life. I mean, I guess my mom still bought them on occasion throughout my childhood but these memories are from a specific season.
My mom and dad were either going through the process of getting divorced or were recently divorced - I don't know which. It was just the two of us - Mom and I - living in our apartment. I think we were probably really close to poor, but between Kid Cuisine's and watching Flipper on Nickelodeon with my Mom - I would have never known it. I loved those evenings! I'm sure that we did other things and ate other meals..(I'm not really sure what Mom ate when she made me a K.C...maybe she had one too?!) but I remember it so clearly that it seems like we did this every single night. Mom didn't just plop me in front of the TV so it could babysit me; she watched with me. We did it together. I wonder now how my mom feels about those months...or years...I don't even know the time frame. I thought I was the richest and coolest kid in the world! Even if we were stinkin' close to poor - I didn't have the slightest clue. I knew even then that my Mom cared about me a whole bunch; I'm sure she would have rather watched an adult show and cooked real food for us, but she not only let me enjoy KC and Nick, she seemed to enjoy it because I enjoyed it!
So, check out the picture in my previous post.....
See that Papaw with his sweet Mariah?
Well, we found out some great news about Dennis! The results came back from his most recent surgery, and this time...it wasn't cancer! Woohoo! Yippee! Thanks God!
I just saw one of the sweetest things.
I'm sitting at the Rocket Bakery on Garland. There is a big picture window beside the front door so you have a pretty open view of the street outside. The Garland District (where RB is located) is an old part of Spokane. It has several little shops and many people walk to where they are going around here. Just outside the door there is a crosswalk. This is where "sweetest thing" took place.
A papaw and a little boy had been in Rocket B and were walking out together. The little boy was just ahead of his Pap. Once he reached the crosswalk, he stopped, looked up at Papaw, and held out his hand for Papaw to hold so they could cross the street together. The little blonde-haired guy was full of energy but he didn't want to walk by himself. He didn't seem to be afraid; He just seemed to know that it was better to go with Papaw. He didn't have to be forced to take a hand; He offered his own willingly, knowing that was just the best thing. After they crossed the street, he went back to running and being full of energy.
I get that this is a very common thing. Little tiny folks grab the hands of adults all the time as they take on ventures they just aren't ready to do on their own. But something caught my attention about this little guy and the trust he had in his Papaw.
Actually, it reminds me of my own relationship with God. I want to be able to trust Him more often with that same look of delight and complete contentment that that little man did. It just seems like so much fun! :)
Here's a picture of another little one with her Papaw.
This is my niece Mariah and my stepdad Dennis. They love each other so very much!
Aren't they somethin'? ;)
You beckon me to come to You.
You extend the invitation, specially for me.
You know how to draw me in, You know what stirs my heart to come.
It doesn't come when I expect.
I'm not dressed in my best. Hair isn't fixed.
Not a stitch of makeup on; face is salt stained with tears.
I don't feel ready for You. And I'm not.
But I need you.
You don't care that I'm not ready; you know I never can be.
And you know I need You.
You beckon me to come to You.
You extend the invitation, specially made for me.
You know how to draw me in, You know what stirs my heart to come.
You call your Daughter to come into the arms of her Father.
Knowing me, still You call me beautiful and wonderful.
Wrap me in Your arms of Grace and let me rest in Your love.
Goodness surrounds me even though I hurt.
I need You, I want You. Only You, Jesus
You beckon me...
I’ve been thinking about authenticity lately...living life in an authentic way....being real.
I realize that I’m not the only one, as this mantra of “Be yourself” seems to define so much of my own generation. I use the word mantra intentionally; there is a conflict of wanting so much to be “the real you” and also wanting to form what you think should be “the real you” that such an incantation is a needed reminder. We live between the sung phrases of “be authentic” and also “be perfect”, trying to make them both true. By no means do I intend to make light of this conflict. I think it is a reality, even and maybe especially, within Christian circles. I struggle with this conflict myself, and it is something I continue to wrestle out with Jesus.
I long to be real; to be ok with who I am. Even when I mess up - and.....sin.
But there is this other part of me that longs to prove to God that I’m worth His saving me.
Ok, before you pick up the cyber stones to throw at me for bad theology, I’m just stating how I feel, and even more than just feeling, how I perceive things at times.
So what do we do in the middle? How is that we can be real, transparent with ourselves, before God and other people? How is that we seek to live in such a way that pursue after the heart of God? How do we struggle - and see victory - in the battle against the expectation of perfection?
God is so amazingly gracious with us. Even as I was writing that previous sentence, I had the thought that those words don’t even come close to portraying God’s relations toward us. It sounds so cliche, so mundane; kind of like something I’ve heard a billion times. And probably will need to hear at least a billion more. It’s easy to forget that God is so incredibly full of grace towards us that there is no way He could run out of grace. It’s impossible; an impossibility of which we are most certain the beneficiaries. It’s this grace that leads to repentance. Knowing that God is so gracious helps us to be transparent with Him. We don’t have to lie to ourselves about who we really are or hide from God. Adam and Eve tried that and it didn’t work so well for them. God knew that they had disobeyed. God also anticipated they would and provided a sacrifice.
I realize that this whole thing isn’t something to just be resolved in a blog post. As I’ve said in one form or another - at least a handful of times on this blog ;) - it is a process. So for now, I want to focus on the fact that often God is not who perceive him to be. I forget that He loves me more I know and offers more grace than I can comprehend.
“So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for He faced all of the same testings we do, yet He did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” Hebrews 4:14-16
as you can see, we got stabbed today......but only with long needles :)
kasey, megan, and i all got different parts of our ears pierced.
james decided to forego the piercing party, but that's his hand showing off his new ring
all part of a day on a silver safari!
Today. Megan and I. Local Thai place. Lunchtime buffet.
Someone needing a lesson in buffet etiquette.
After leaving our Round 1 empty lunch plates on our table, Meg and I make our way to the buffet. Once there, we proceed to pick up a fresh plate for Round 2. Following close behind us are two people also going for round 2 -let's call them Guy and Girl, for the sake of their anonymity. I notice that Guy and Girl both have their previous plates from Round 1 in hand; this was a brief noticing on my part that minorly grossed me out, but not the point of commenting, because well, that's just uncalled for. Girl however did not extend the courtesy to Megan and I when she proceeded to comment to Guy about the fact that we were using clean plates for Round 2. Without even attempting to whisper to Guy, Girl says, "It's so rude to use clean plates when you already have one that you can reuse." Seriously? Now, she may be trying to be a conservationist and a Go-Greener, or whatever. For that she gets some applause. But there are reasons why people get fresh plates at the buffet. There are reasons why, when you sit down at your table a clean plate greets you, and also why when you go to the buffet a whole stack of clean plates awaits you. The reasons for this are probably many, but for now I will only share two.
Reasons for a new plate for each trip to the buffet:
#1. Hygiene - When you have already eaten off of your plate and then proceed to have the serving spoon come in contact with your plate only to be placed back in the serving dish - that's just gross. (And might I add that this is somewhat inevitable when attaining a serving of sticky rice; you have to sort of hit it against the plate a little to transfer it from the spoon to the plate.) We prefer cleanliness in our culture, and I would prefer to limit the spreading of germs or at least keep this to a minimum.
#2 Preserving taste of food. Maybe on Round 1 you tried Food item A, which was very tasty, and perhaps on Round 2 you wanted Food item B - also tasty. However, when A and B are mixed together because of a lack of clean plate, the taste is just jacked up and not as pleasant.
There are reasons for fresh plates, reasons that can even be appreciated by the eco-friendly ( which by the way, I have nothing against the eco-friendly. I am even supportive and wish to become more GO Green myself) - but exceptions have to be made when it comes to buffet plates and the proper etiquette with which one should use to partake of community served food.
On the brighter note, I feel that God is sanctifying me in the area of my tongue; It took every bit of me and Jesus working together to keep my mouth shut from telling Girl the truth about etiquette and cleanliness. However, God still needs to work on my heart and on letting things go because obviously, it' still a stirring in me. :)
If anyone is still reading this, I am absolutely shocked. ok, I'm done ranting over something so ridiculous.
it's almost 11 pm and i desperately need to be in bed. I'm so tired that my eyes are doing that really slow open and close thing, like i can hardly keep 'em open. but i tell you what, my mind is racing! i've spent the last few hours with my Meg and Kasey watching ALIAS. some of you may be familiar with this show. i'm not a huge tv buff so i didn't discover this show until it was long off the air, but when i did - i was hooked! Now that I'm typing, I feel like I may have blogged about this before but I'm so sleepy I can't remember if I did or not and frankly, am too lazy to look.
Jennifer Garner plays the amazing Sydney Bristow, CIA agent that can really kick some ars if ya know what I mean. it seems like that girl can get herself out of almost any situation, and when she can't - someone always comes through for her. Usually it's her dad, Jack (also CIA) or her handler/boyfriend/ex-boyfriend/still loves her, aka Michael Vaughn. She can undergo some amazing pressure, fighting, torture, ....name it, and yet still come out with the victory in her assigned mission. Sometimes there are definite moments when you think she's not gonna make it, that this time it's gone too far and she done. Other times there are setbacks and unexpected time lapses, but still, eventually, she makes it out. Not only is she ok ,but she seems even stronger than before. Something about watching this show makes me want to be a part of something bigger. Tendencies that are generally not part of my personality seem to come to the surface and at times even accompanied by a bit of adrenaline. I'm sure if these things were happening in real life I'd be scared stiff, but a girl can imagine, right? This reaction to a TV show doesn't really surprise me; it's happened before. Example: When I was a kid, and the Free Willy movie came out (the first one), I wanted to be a dolphin or whale trainer. Yes I am serious. i wanted a wet suit and a whistle....and my very own dolphin (thought they were cooler than whales.) i think it comes back to wanting to be a part of an adventure, having a purposeful battle to fight, to play my part, and to see the victory. With ALIAS, I like the idea of doing those things and being part of a team - fighting along side people on the same team as yourself, bailing each other out, and winning - even if it means taking some losses first.
In reality, all of those things are part of the life that I live. Ok, so maybe the battles are different - I don't get to field train or become a super cool fighter chick. The weapons I'm using aren't guns, knives, or cool gadgets like a lipstick firestick - but nonetheless, the battle is real - even more real than what J-Gar is fighting on ALIAS (obviously :) )
God has invited me into an incredible adventure. The battle that we face is so real, and yet mostly unseen by the eyes of humanity. There is fighting against the enemy, partnership with other believers fighting on the same team, wounds along the way, setbacks that seem like it may be the end, but there is always victory. Some victories happen along the way and we emerge stronger; God is always there to rescue us - even if it feels like He is never coming, He always will. And ultimately the victory belongs to the Lord. God prevails. That victory is final and forever; He wins.
It intrigues me to see how He has wired me and sometimes it surprises me. Often things like bloody fights can make my stomach turn and my head immediately look away, yet other times i get this adrenaline rush to rise up to the occasion and do whatever it is that I must do to play my part. It's definitely an adventure; sometimes it seems like we won't make it. But always, God comes through. He is right there fighting on my behalf and offering me to adventure with Him for the victory. What an action role! The question is: Do I get to do my own stunts?! Seeing as how I already have some battle wounds, i think that answer is positively yes. God's made it worth it because He knows what is best, and ultimately He won't let me stay hurt.
Adventure it may be, and yes questionable at times, but how cool is it to know that in the end - we know He wins?!
ok, gotta get to bed. early class in the morning! woo-hoo! let's hope i can sleep well and not dream of high speed car chases :)
oh my goodness!! When I walked to my car to hit the gym this morning, there was a light covering of snow on the ground - it was light, sparkly, and so pretty! The sun was out and it wasn't super cold. Then, it kept getting warmer, and warmer, and the sun is shining like crazy. I actually left my coat in the car while I ran some errands! I have no clue what the temp is right now; for all I know it could be 38 degrees and feel like a heat wave for us! I don't really care either way, I just wanna enjoy it!
Thanks God ;)
This photo is currently gracing my laptop wallpaper. My beautiful Mom, sweetie pie of a niece Mariah, and myself - we were baking snowman cookies!
Last year, around this time I was still running outside pretty regularly and getting ready for a March St. Paddy’s Day run. Several times when I was running, I would be on the phone with Jenn whining about how cold I was. I think I only made it through because I had a goal to run that whole race. All 5 miles. And I did! (And maybe also because Jenn called me a wuss. I won’t mention - oh wait yes I will - that she at that point didn’t have to run in super cold weather, because she was soaking up the sun in toasty Tennessee. Now, she’s in Colorado braving the bitter cold - such a trooper!)
After breaking my foot in the early summer, it still hasn’t healed enough for me to run. The thing hurts like crazy after about 15 minutes. I had found a solution in late summer and early autumn with biking - which I have so much fun with! It doesn’t work so well in the ice and snow - at least not for this one! So, after not getting much exercise at the first part of the winter, I began looking aroung for gym memberships.
I’m now once again a member of the YMCA.
Honestly, I don’t particularly like going to the gym. It’s not my favorite thing to stay there for hours and hours. I would much much rather be outside (when it’s warm) getting my workout on. But, in the winter - a whole different story.
In the winter here our days are short and dark. It can be a downer, but folks have their ways of dealing with it. I’ve been known to go to the tanning bed a time or two to just get some light...and to get warm! I’m finding though that working out at the gym makes that so much easier. The Y that I go to most of the time overlooks part of the Spokane River so I have a gorgeous view while I’m on the elliptical. With iPod intact, I finish the rest of my workout.....and actaully I’m finding that I kind of like going to the gym...or at least the effects of going. I have way more energy, I seem to get more accomplished in the day, my overall health and psyche seem better. And honestly, my prayer life is even affected. Let me explain..... One of my absolute favorite times with Jesus is when I’m out on a run or a bike ride. Normally, I pray as I go throughout my day, but in those times I am focused in - and it’s just me and Him. A similar thing happens with journaling, but when I’m getting to be physical - it just seems a bit different. I’m not saying that my whole relationship with God is based on me getting exercise, but for whatever reason - for me, and in this season, it is one of my favorite times with the Lord. I like listening to my iPod and worshipping Him, reflecting on what I’m hearing. Sometimes workouts are when I wrestle out some things with Jesus, other times He uses that to calm me down and give me some perspective.
It’s so interesting how He has wired us differently. Do you have a fave time or thing to do while hanging out with Jesus?
yep. that's what it takes before i tell you all the new things that are going on lately. i don't have much time to blog right now, but i thought i'd at least give the basics.
for starters, school started this past week. all the stress that normally follows has already promptly arrived - maybe even a bit prematurely. all is well because this is my last semester in the undergrad program. in a matter of months, i will finally have the long awaited for Bachelor of Science in Biblical Studies from Moody Bible Institute!
a few other things are keeping me busy at Living Hope (my church). my staff position changed from "Sunday Morning Maven" to "twentysomethings coordinator". twentysomethings is basically the idea of youth group, but for anyone who's twenty-something. i'm so excited about this!
another thing is a discipleship class, called zoe, that i'm heading up. thankfully on this one i have a few folks who will be teaching with me - meaning i don't have to prep every week, and the folks in the class get different voices/perspectives!
sorry this is so brief....and way overdue. probably old news to several of you.
We need each other.
Sometimes this simple sentence can seem to go against the grain of what we've been taught. At least what we've been taught by American culture. It's so embedded in us to be independent; to work especially hard to ensure that you don't have to rely on anyone else for anything. Now, I like to be independent just like the next person. But sometimes I just need other people. And that's ok, God made it that way.
Some of those times are in the mundane parts of life. For instance, here in Spokane we have a ton of snow right now. My camry has had some issues making it out of the alley at my house - she got nice and stuck and finally after a couple hours digging and a tug from a 4x4, we got it out. Thankfully, I had help. Not only did I have help becoming un-stuck, my friends have helped cart me around town in their own 4 wheel drives!
These same two folks who helped me get un - snow - stuck also happen to be the among the same people who help me get un-stuck in life. They have different perspectives to see whatever it is that they may have me stuck, yet their purpose remains the same - to point me back to Jesus, the Ultimate-Un-Stucker. (Yes I realize this is terrible grammar.) My friends speak truth, they encourage, and they get downright cold, wet, and sometimes dirty with me. They’re left with sore backs and tired arms from all the digging - yet they do it anyway, and continue to show love.
I really like doing things on my own. I want to be able to handle it. And when I can’t handle it, I usually feel guilty that a friend has to help. Not so much at that point because I couldn’t handle it - usually by then I have been reminded of my own humanity. It’s more that I feel I should only have to go to Jesus and if I’m not going to Him alone, then there is something wrong with our relationship on my end.
My friends are not the end all. Yes I should go to Jesus. And I do. My relationship with God is very personal and there are some things that will always be shared just between the two of us. However, God has designed us to be in fellowship with one another. I’m not talking only about the church potluck, I’m talking about living your life with life with people who know you and know you well. Folks with whom you stay really connected. The kind of relationship that is very honest (which can be painfully difficult at times) but that holds a certain security because at the end of the day, love is holding it all together. It’s a two way street; you are there for each other.
I am so blessed to have a good handful of these relationships in my own life. I know I can be real with these people - letting them in on the good, the bad, the wonderful, and the disgusting. And they likewise can do the same with me. We can be happy with each other over victories and bear the burden with each other during hellish times when you think you’ll never make it out whole. All the while, we encourage each other to keep believing God and pressing in close to Him.
We are frail and if we are left alone, we are in very dangerous territory. Yes, God is Almighty and can protect us like no one else - and thankfully, He does. But He has designed us to be in community. His plan : Love God. Love other people. Like He loves us. Sure our relationship with Jesus is personal and should be guarded and invested in like no other, but not to the point where we are deceived into thinking we should be going it on our own.
We were made to need each other. That’s what God said.
