embraced by Grace

it's almost 11 pm and i desperately need to be in bed. I'm so tired that my eyes are doing that really slow open and close thing, like i can hardly keep 'em open. but i tell you what, my mind is racing! i've spent the last few hours with my Meg and Kasey watching ALIAS. some of you may be familiar with this show. i'm not a huge tv buff so i didn't discover this show until it was long off the air, but when i did - i was hooked! Now that I'm typing, I feel like I may have blogged about this before but I'm so sleepy I can't remember if I did or not and frankly, am too lazy to look.
Jennifer Garner plays the amazing Sydney Bristow, CIA agent that can really kick some ars if ya know what I mean. it seems like that girl can get herself out of almost any situation, and when she can't - someone always comes through for her. Usually it's her dad, Jack (also CIA) or her handler/boyfriend/ex-boyfriend/still loves her, aka Michael Vaughn. She can undergo some amazing pressure, fighting, torture, ....name it, and yet still come out with the victory in her assigned mission. Sometimes there are definite moments when you think she's not gonna make it, that this time it's gone too far and she done. Other times there are setbacks and unexpected time lapses, but still, eventually, she makes it out. Not only is she ok ,but she seems even stronger than before. Something about watching this show makes me want to be a part of something bigger. Tendencies that are generally not part of my personality seem to come to the surface and at times even accompanied by a bit of adrenaline. I'm sure if these things were happening in real life I'd be scared stiff, but a girl can imagine, right? This reaction to a TV show doesn't really surprise me; it's happened before. Example: When I was a kid, and the Free Willy movie came out (the first one), I wanted to be a dolphin or whale trainer. Yes I am serious. i wanted a wet suit and a whistle....and my very own dolphin (thought they were cooler than whales.) i think it comes back to wanting to be a part of an adventure, having a purposeful battle to fight, to play my part, and to see the victory. With ALIAS, I like the idea of doing those things and being part of a team - fighting along side people on the same team as yourself, bailing each other out, and winning - even if it means taking some losses first.
In reality, all of those things are part of the life that I live. Ok, so maybe the battles are different - I don't get to field train or become a super cool fighter chick. The weapons I'm using aren't guns, knives, or cool gadgets like a lipstick firestick - but nonetheless, the battle is real - even more real than what J-Gar is fighting on ALIAS (obviously :) )
God has invited me into an incredible adventure. The battle that we face is so real, and yet mostly unseen by the eyes of humanity. There is fighting against the enemy, partnership with other believers fighting on the same team, wounds along the way, setbacks that seem like it may be the end, but there is always victory. Some victories happen along the way and we emerge stronger; God is always there to rescue us - even if it feels like He is never coming, He always will. And ultimately the victory belongs to the Lord. God prevails. That victory is final and forever; He wins.
It intrigues me to see how He has wired me and sometimes it surprises me. Often things like bloody fights can make my stomach turn and my head immediately look away, yet other times i get this adrenaline rush to rise up to the occasion and do whatever it is that I must do to play my part. It's definitely an adventure; sometimes it seems like we won't make it. But always, God comes through. He is right there fighting on my behalf and offering me to adventure with Him for the victory. What an action role! The question is: Do I get to do my own stunts?! Seeing as how I already have some battle wounds, i think that answer is positively yes. God's made it worth it because He knows what is best, and ultimately He won't let me stay hurt.
Adventure it may be, and yes questionable at times, but how cool is it to know that in the end - we know He wins?!

ok, gotta get to bed. early class in the morning! woo-hoo! let's hope i can sleep well and not dream of high speed car chases :)