embraced by Grace

It makes me a little apprehensive when I title a post "part 1" because I have just tied myself to at least a "part 2". I wrote this several days ago, but have held off on posting it because I really wanted to immediately post a "part 2" after a "part 1". But here I am posting "1" without yet having a "2". I think I'm closer, but not yet there. And I'm gonna choose to let that be alright.

so, part one...


Waiting.
Waiting for God.
For Him to speak, to move.
Waiting sometimes can be one of the hardest things when your heart is so hopeful.
It seems like in the beginning it is tough to wait, but then a little while later the idea seems to settle in. You understand that sometimes you do have to wait for good things, and the thing you are hoping for is good, rendering it worth the wait. Hopeful, you’re ok, waiting in the wait.
Then it happens, slowly and quickly all at the same time. For a while now, you’ve chosen to push away the thoughts of “this will never happen.”, “it won’t come through.”, “I’m waiting in vain.” But all of a sudden, those individual thoughts resurface, this time as with the weight of a hurricane hitting the shore full force. It now seems like those doubts cannot be stopped, no matter how many times previously you had managed to keep them at bay. Not this time. You want to; you want to push them away, to continue to believe, to continue to hope but the waves of utter uncertainty, paralyzing fear, and dramatic emotion instead rush over you threatening to drown you. You’re not sure if you’re going to make it out of this one; Sure, you’ve made it before, but not this time. It all seems too much. You may wonder, why doesn’t God save me now? Why doesn’t it seem like He’s coming through, like He said He would? Why don’t you feel Him? You so much want to see your own heart changed, to be healed and whole.
There’s nothing left to do, but to continue the wait...But how should that look when you feel like you need more faith?
Jesus, I can’t wait for You without You, and yet I know You’re here....



...Because what better picture to post with "waiting" than a preggers belly..... :) (i took this photo of a dear friend when she was about 8 months along with baby number 2)

We had such a great time of worship at Living Hope this morning! My friend Miranda sang this song by Kim Walker (Jesus Culture).  It was so good to hear this song this morning as it happens to be one of my favorites.  Check out the song....

Pudding is one of my favorite things to eat. Sugar free. Fat free. And my very favorite way to eat it....is frozen. If you haven't tried this, you totally should. The beauty in it is that you can have an ice cream like treat, without as much of the bad stuff. Now, it doesn't come close to replacing Diddier's Frozen Yogurt (a local SpokWa fave) or Coldstone Creamery, but it's still a great home treat. There is one little trick though; when you pull it out of the freezer, it's way harder than you really want it to be, so I stick it in the microwave for a bit. Tonight, when I was putting it in the microwave I thought I may have put it in for just a few seconds too long. When I pulled out my pudding, I had a flashback of a childhood memory (which is actually the main point of this post!)...

Isn't it annoying when things just aren't as they should be? Like when things that are supposed to be hot, are actually cold....or vise versa??
When I pulled my pudding cup out, already fearing that I may have nuked it too long, the side plastic piece was hot. It was this moment that flooded in a piece of my past kid world. Before I go on with what the kid story actually is, I will tell you that I indeed did not melt my pudding too much; it was perfectly cold and creamy. But - a second longer and it could have been a disaster! ;)

This moment of something that I thought was going to be cold still and indeed was hot, reminded me of Kid Cuisine's. Anyone remember those...the kids' tv dinner with the little penguin? I use to love, and I mean LOVE Kid Cuisine's. Love them as I did though, the darn things never seemed to cook correctly. The main part of the dinner usually cooked fine, but often I was left with cold corn and an overcooked, gooey, brownie. I could not get them to all heat evenly!
I must not have minded too much because I still had a blast picking out the different dinners at the grocery store. Usually didn't even matter what was on the inside, it was just this whole idea of a TV dinner that made me excited. The other thing I remember about eating Kid Cuisine is watching Nickelodeon at the same time with my Mom. I'm sure there were a lot of little shows that I liked, but I specifically remember Flipper, the dolphin. That show was one of my very favorites! I even wanted to be a dolphin trainer when I grew up!
I will add a disclaimer in here: you may have to check with my mom to see if some of these things are actually true. I was only about 4ish years old at the time, and am only telling it how I remember it.
This Kid Cuisine/Nick fest only happened for a really short period of my little life. I mean, I guess my mom still bought them on occasion throughout my childhood but these memories are from a specific season.
My mom and dad were either going through the process of getting divorced or were recently divorced - I don't know which. It was just the two of us - Mom and I - living in our apartment. I think we were probably really close to poor, but between Kid Cuisine's and watching Flipper on Nickelodeon with my Mom - I would have never known it. I loved those evenings! I'm sure that we did other things and ate other meals..(I'm not really sure what Mom ate when she made me a K.C...maybe she had one too?!) but I remember it so clearly that it seems like we did this every single night. Mom didn't just plop me in front of the TV so it could babysit me; she watched with me. We did it together. I wonder now how my mom feels about those months...or years...I don't even know the time frame. I thought I was the richest and coolest kid in the world! Even if we were stinkin' close to poor - I didn't have the slightest clue.  I knew even then that my Mom cared about me a whole bunch; I'm sure she would have rather watched an adult show and cooked real food for us, but she not only let me enjoy KC and Nick, she seemed to enjoy it because I enjoyed it!

So, check out the picture in my previous post.....
See that Papaw with his sweet Mariah?
Well, we found out some great news about Dennis! The results came back from his most recent surgery, and this time...it wasn't cancer! Woohoo! Yippee! Thanks God!

I just saw one of the sweetest things.

I'm sitting at the Rocket Bakery on Garland. There is a big picture window beside the front door so you have a pretty open view of the street outside. The Garland District (where RB is located) is an old part of Spokane. It has several little shops and many people walk to where they are going around here. Just outside the door there is a crosswalk. This is where "sweetest thing" took place.

A papaw and a little boy had been in Rocket B and were walking out together. The little boy was just ahead of his Pap. Once he reached the crosswalk, he stopped, looked up at Papaw, and held out his hand for Papaw to hold so they could cross the street together. The little blonde-haired guy was full of energy but he didn't want to walk by himself. He didn't seem to be afraid; He just seemed to know that it was better to go with Papaw. He didn't have to be forced to take a hand; He offered his own willingly, knowing that was just the best thing. After they crossed the street, he went back to running and being full of energy.

I get that this is a very common thing. Little tiny folks grab the hands of adults all the time as they take on ventures they just aren't ready to do on their own. But something caught my attention about this little guy and the trust he had in his Papaw.
Actually, it reminds me of my own relationship with God. I want to be able to trust Him more often with that same look of delight and complete contentment that that little man did. It just seems like so much fun! :)

Here's a picture of another little one with her Papaw.
This is my niece Mariah and my stepdad Dennis. They love each other so very much!
Aren't they somethin'? ;)

You beckon me to come to You.
You extend the invitation, specially for me.
You know how to draw me in, You know what stirs my heart to come.
It doesn't come when I expect.
I'm not dressed in my best. Hair isn't fixed.
Not a stitch of makeup on; face is salt stained with tears.
I don't feel ready for You. And I'm not.
But I need you.
You don't care that I'm not ready; you know I never can be.
And you know I need You.
You beckon me to come to You.
You extend the invitation, specially made for me.
You know how to draw me in, You know what stirs my heart to come.
You call your Daughter to come into the arms of her Father.
Knowing me, still You call me beautiful and wonderful.
Wrap me in Your arms of Grace and let me rest in Your love.
Goodness surrounds me even though I hurt.
I need You, I want You. Only You, Jesus
You beckon me...