I have a new job!!!!!
I'm working at an Italian restaurant in Spokane called Luigi's. I started on Friday night working as a hostess and I begin server training this evening. I'll be alternating between the two positions. Even on my first night, I could tell the place is a well oiled rig. Even on a busy Friday night, plus an unexpected party of 50-60 people, things were exceptionally smooth! I'm really excited about working here! Check it out here: www.luigis-spokane.com
This spot is one of my new favorite places in Spokane. I think I heart it for several reasons and some of them you can't see in this picture, which was by the way taken on my phone. This place is within reasonable distance to my house and I have frequented running past it lately. It's on the nearby Gonzaga U campus, and it sits just nicely on the Spokane River. Looking out over the river, you can see a cool view of the downtown area. But my favorite part, is that even though it's smack in the middle of all those things, it feels like I'm in a remote little place. And...it's just beautiful!
When I went for my run this morning I had a lot on my mind. It was one of those "It's so easy to get up and run today because I need to get some energy out" kind of days. Those are so much easier to get started than the "i need to run because it's good for me" kind of days. At church, Sean said something in the message yesterday that is really resonating in me. He was talking about Jacob and his wrestling match with the Lord, which resulting in God blessing him and changing his name. He said that we shouldn't trust a Christian without a limp. (Don't miss this. His point was not about trusting people, but rather that even when you are a royal screw up there is something to be said about wrestling the thing out with the Lord.) It's not about being perfect and walking a flawless life. Let's get in the ring and wrestle things out with the Lord so that we walk out with a new name and the blessing of God. This then sent me back to a message that Joe preached a few weeks ago where he basically said that the opposites of our biggest fear, failure, or defeat, are often the biggest promises for our life when it's turned around.
I love that I can run and get some physical energy out, process some of the things running around in my head, and then park it for a little rest at this spot. Cool huh?
last night i got very little sleep, thus resulting in my pressing of the snooze alarm about 5 times. when i finally got up, i had about 20 minutes to shower and get to class. no worries. easily done. because i live really close to campus, i usually walk or ride my bike, but since i was cutting it close on time - and not feeling well - i decided to be lazy and drive. i walked out to my car to find a little surprise: my windows were iced over. brrrr! i don't think that winter is quite here yet, i mean, we haven't had our first snow yet, but the fact that i had to scrape my windows before being able to drive to school definitely attest to the fact the cold, winter months are quickly approaching. well, at least we made it through October before it started. there's something to be said for that. i definitely enjoy specific aspects of all the seasons - even winter - but i do hope it's a short one. i am so not a fan of freezing. on the brighter side, it is absolutely beautiful when snow covers everything in these parts! We have quite the imaginative Creator! let's jut hope it's not a super long winter!
I love knowing that God really is all that I need. Even when I don't feel like He's enough - when I feel like I am missing something. I'm amazed this morning at Christ's love for me - that He continues to draw me to Himself, that He continues to take care of me, that He keeps loving. And even more amazing, is that His love has nothing to do with my love for Him, or me being good enough to deserve Him. He doesn't stop when I mess up; He doesn't even stop when I mean to sin. Nope - His love for me is relentless and incredibly capacious. Because of the hypostatic union, he gets it. He is God. He is Man. My High Priest understands. Because of the sacrifice, I am covered in the grace of His blood. Clean. Forgiven. Not because of me, because of Him. I didn't do a thing to earn it and I can't do a darn thing to keep the salvation that is life to me. What beauty! How great is the love that the Father has lavished on us - that He would call His kids, His very own!
Check out these lyrics....
All I Need
BY JJ AND DAVID HELLER
Don’t need a thing
My good Shepherd brings me all
You are all I need
You let me catch my breath
Even in the valley of death
You are all I need
All I need to be complete
Is Your love
Your blood that covers me
You lift up my head
You provide the wine and bread
You, You are all I need
There’s no need to fear
Even with my enemies here
You are all I need
All I need to be complete
Is Your love
Your blood that covers me
Goodness and mercy are following me
You’re all that I need
You make a home for me
Where pastures are green as far as I see
You are all I need
All I need to be complete
Is Your love
Your blood that covers me
Yesterday I went to get my hair cut, well more like trimmed. I've been wanting, no needing, to get it trimmed for quite some time so I went to the only place I can afford at this stage in the game - cosmetology school. Not gonna lie, it makes me a little nervous but hey if it's just a trim, how much can really be messed up?! I was looking forward to it because for whatever reason I was a bit stressed yesterday and just wanted to relax and what better to do that then get a head massage/shampoo and fresh hair cut all for $5!
I've gone to this particular place before; it's located in a pretty poor part of town. Wait, that's an understatement - it is, in fact, the poorest zip code in the state of Washington. I've had the chance to chat with a few of the girls who go to school there and usually get filled in on parts of their story. Generally, these girls (and guys I suppose to be PC, although I have only ever talked with girls...) are busting their butts to go to school, and to work, and make ends meet.
The girl who took care of me yesterday was no different. She is working her way through school while working almost full time at a local fast food joint. She will finish up school the same time as me - the end of May. We were chit chatting about random things and then she started to open up to me. She shared with me that just last week her mom had been diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer. She will begin to undergo radiation treatment immediately. 60% of people who have this kind of cancer live for about 5 years with continued treatment. Not only is her mother facing a health crisis in her physical body, but she has also battled with mental issues. Before going into the hospital, her mother had been homeless.
There are few times in my life where I have just been speechless, but this was one of them. I honestly felt like I had no words to say to this girl. She knew that I was in Bible college and we talked about God and the church for a little bit. It's kind of awkward trying to have personal conversations with so many people around listening. I so wanted to hear more of this girl's story. She asked what church I went to and then said that she had heard of Living Hope. Sidenote: I love that LH is so involved in taking care of community needs; that we uphold in principle the idea of subsidiarity - that the problem is best solved by those closest to it and in doing so provide food and clothing to the people in our community (again our church is located in the poorest WA zip code). I know it's not only about physical needs, but that's a heck of a good starting place. Anyways, I gave her my number and invited her to come. I so hope she comes. Or at least calls. I told her that I would be praying for her mom and her family as they are taking care of her.
I so want this girl to know that there is a God who cares so much about her and about what is going on in her life. Sometimes life is just so hard. And I feel like I should have more to offer someone about the difficulties in life than I do. But at the end of the day (and at the beginning and middle), I know that it is in relationship with my God that I am sustained. Yes, the body of Christ is here for a reason. Absolutely. We are called to reach people, of course. But there is a connection point that must take place between human and God Almighty. It's not that I don't have a lot to say about life situations, or even theology for that matter. It's more that sometimes it seems entirely insensitive to spout off those things right away. They end up sounding cliche and I'm sure that's the last thing that girl needs and wants to hear. Maybe I should have said more, but there just weren't any words. I kept asking God to help me love on her - whatever that looked like in that moment. I wanted to tell her that it would all be ok, but I don't know that. I wanted to be able to tell her that God will heal her through this treatment, but I don't know that He will. What to say?
As I was leaving, I checked my phone and saw a text from my mom. My stepdad, Dennis, is going to have surgery again. He had surgery a few weeks ago on his throat; the dr's removed something and did a biopsy. It was cancer but they were convinced that they had gotten it all. At his dr. visit yesterday, he was informed that he would have to do it all over again. Either they missed some, or it had come back. Is it all gonna be okay? What to say?
A few weeks ago, a woman at our church lost her husband, had her van stolen, and lost her job all in one week. Yes all in one week. What to say?
I met with our new pastor, Sean, today over a cup of coffee. We were talking about God leading people in different places in life and hearing from God in various methods whether it's concerning a crisis or need of direction, or need of any kind for that matter. It still will always come down to faith.
This is precisely where faith enters in and God holds you up. It's hard to figure out life stuff. Sometimes it seems like it can be hell on earth and you wonder why people get slammed when it seems like they can't stand up anymore. I'm not talking about an easy crutch faith. The hell with that! I'm talking about the kind of faith that lasts when your world seems to be rocked - when you are hit on absolutely every side possible and yet you know that God is good, that He is for you, and that He is working things together for your good - even when it seems like that is furthest thing possible. Honestly, I'm not sure i even understand this kind of faith. Not experientially. I'm thankful that God is willing to journey with us and not put more on any one of us than we can handle. He knows our limits and He also knows He isn't limited. Not by a thing! He walks with us, step by step, making us into disciples that say yes to Him, follow Him, become intimate with Him, and then remain in Him. He is not asking people to believe Him blindly; He has given His very life and has shown that He is trustworthy.
So what to say? "In You, Lord, in You, I put my trust." It may take time to get there; that statement spoken in full sincerity is out of a heart of belief. It's based on relationship. Sometimes I can say that fully believing it with everything (as far as I know) in me. Other times, I have to say that as a prayer, asking God to help me put my trust in Him alone.
