embraced by Grace

the end....

2010-04-28T07:20:00.000-07:00

of this blog has come.
but not the end of my blogging!

As I mentioned in an earlier post, Joey and I decided to combine our blogs, as we're combining our lives.

the new blog is joeyandtiff.wordpress.com

on the new blog, you'll get to see posts from both Joey and I - and the Mr. is a great writer!

see ya there!

and hey, if you're a follower and you have a blog, then leave me a comment with your URL or email it to me; I'd love to check out your blog!

home.made.

2010-02-26T10:23:00.000-08:00

So, this past week has been an adventure into the world of homemade. SInce we are trying to organic and it can be quite expensive, I've been researching ways to make it more cost-effective.

The first little project was a shampoo/body wash. I looked at few recipes online, and then made some modifications.
At EarthFare you can buy items such as oils, soap, and bath salts in bulk and they also have some clear containers that are perfect for homemade creations! The containers are free if you're buying bulk items, but a small price if not - and they're re-usable! The basics for this recipe involves castile soap (I used liquid because it's easier), some essential oils (lemon/lavender zum oil at EF), and water. In a 20 oz. container, I mixed 1/4 cup castile soap, about 2-3 tsp of oil, and filled the rest with warm water. Shake to mix well.
I've used it a little over a week now, and for the most part I really like it! If you try this, be careful with the ratios and make sure you rinse well, or it will leave your hair looking oily. Note that this also doesn't have a ton of lather with it, but none the less cleans very well!

Joey made some shaving cream last night, and I made some hairspray today. I'll let ya know how it goes as I haven't used either yet! We did make a video of the shaving cream experience last night, but for some reason I can't get it to load. Hopefully, we'll get it posted soon!

If you want to check out some more recipes, take a look at Life123 and Pioneer Thinking !
As far as expenses go on some of these recipes, some items may be a higher front end cost, but it lasts for a loooong time. For instance, 2 of the oils we bought for shaving cream were between 8 and 9 bucks for a 16 or 20 ounce jar, but the recipe only calls for a teaspoons or tablespoons. We'll be able to go for a while before having to buy any new ingredients! (that is, if it works well, I guess!....)

and the ORGANIC trail continues with birth control!

2010-02-24T15:08:00.000-08:00

actually, the story behind the blog post today began a few months back..... i just haven't blogged about it yet!

After Joey and I became engaged, we began to have the obvious discussions of what to do about birth control. I did research, hours and hours of it. Joey did research. We researched together.
I was NOT crazy about using traditional birth control pills. If you read the last post, then you know we are making the transition to going all organic, as we can. Even before, I like being healthy. Eating healthy, moving my body to stay active, and I oh so rarely will ever take any kind of medicine. Not even over the counter stuff, unless I'm pretty desperate. I just am not crazy about the idea of putting lots of things in my body that are synthetic.

*Before I go on, let me make a disclaimer that isn't necessarily a spiritual conviction for me. I don't think it's sin to take meds; I just don't happen to like doing it. As far back as I can remember, I've always been this way. Ask my momma.

Anyway, we thought we found a solution when studying up on the IUD (Intra-uterine device) that would work best for us. This is a pretty well known device that is placed in the uterus to prevent pregnancy and last up to about 5 years. You only have to check it once a month to ensure that it's still in place and you're good to go. Some forms release hormones but we found one that did not. As with every birth control option, there are always possibilities of some form of malfunction or complication. With the IUD, it can become lodged in the uterus causing a lot of pain and can leave a woman totally infertile. Now, this is a very, very rare occurrence but it can happen. Even with that, I thought it was worth the risk because we wouldn't have to worry too much about birth control. And it's a one time expense, or would have been for us anyway. We're hoping to wait about 5 years before having a little tiny. But then, our great little plan came to a crashing halt. The more research I did, the more I learned that it was a controversial BC method due to the fact that some see it as abortive. The reasoning behind this is because if an egg is fertilized by sperm, the new little creation cannot attach itself to the uterine wall (because of the device) and therefore, ceases to be. (There are some pregnancies even with the IUD, and also a number or miscarriages as well.) Joey and I prayed and prayed and researched and researched and prayed, and we came to the conclusion that this just wasn't a good option for us. Now, please don't misunderstand me - I have a few godly, Jesus loving friends who use this and are ok with it, and it has worked great for them! But the thing is, we have to go with Scripture and our own consciences to see where God is leading us. And for Joey and I, the IUD got kicked off the options list.

Honestly, it was pretty discouraging. It seems like there are no great BC methods and really, I guess it kind of makes sense. God designed us to reproduce and it's really difficult to try and halt those natural processes.

So back to square one we go. More research. More praying. And repeat....

When we got to Tennessee, we decided to go see a doctor and have some informed discussion about out options. I specifically requested someone at this particular practice who was on board with natural, holistic methods in her practice. I was assured that I was getting a great fit with a Dr. Turns out, she looks pretty earthy, but she isn't really convinced that anything natural is a viable option. Over a tough conversation, we walk out with a prescription for birth control. I really wasn't wild about it, but I felt like we had no other option so I reasoned that I would try it and see how it goes at least until we'd been married for a little while and then we could reevaluate. Honest to goodness, on the first night I had to take it, I cried. Yes, I cried. And my sweet fiance ever so tenderly consoled me and said that if he could take them, he would. I just didn't feel good about it. Trying to do what I thought had to be done, I started taking it and....... well, let's just say that I turned into a crazy-head. I was so emotional, I was driving myself wild. I even broke down in tears when my boss was in my office - and over nothing! Thankfully, he didn't fire me, haha! Joey and I decided together that nothing was worth this insanity, so back to the doctor I go. Well, actually I just called. They switched my prescription to a lower dose, and thankfully the crazy-head syndrome went away. But, this new BC gave me a whole new kind of issue! However, even as real as I'm being in this blog post, I am not bold enough to disclose what the new irritant was. ;) So, What were we to do?!
Alas, back to research and praying we go. Still taking the BC. Researching. Praying. Then, we found it....

We had frolicked with the idea of using a form of natural family planning early on. And then abandoned it. And then, we returned. Still on the BC pills, I basically decided to use them to switch my cycle, anticipating good, no great, timing for our wedding, and then stop using it. And that's what I did; the whole BC pills process start to finish lasted about 2 or 3 weeks. Just long enough to use them, then lose them!

I'm aware that there are a lot of nay-sayers out there about using a natural method for family planning, and I've heard the jokes. "What do you call someone who uses natural family planning?" "Parents." Ba.ha.ha.

But there are some great resources out there, and when used correctly, it's an effective, natural form of birth control. There's a book called "Taking Charge Of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler that offers a lot of great info. This book is a national bestseller, has been around for awhile, and in my opinion is a must read for every woman. I'm learning so many new things about my body, fertility, and all around health. This promotes a type of family planning called Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) which teaches you the signs of when you are the most fertile (and it's way more than just checking temperatures girls!). You can learn not only to track a pattern of your body, but signs in which you can be specific of when you are most apt to conceive. The idea is that around the time of ovulation, a woman either abstains from intercourse (generally if someone has moral issues against BC, this is the route they will take) OR otherwise uses a back-up method like condoms. It is work; not a ton, but some. Every morning, I have to try and make my not-yet-cohesive-brain try to remember to take my temperature, before I even get out of bed. There is some charting involved and some other signs to look for. But honestly, this is how women planned their families for years and years. They knew their bodies.

Even though it is a bit of work, it is totally worth it (or at least I say that now, while unmarried lol). Seriously though, Joey and I feel confident with the method that we've chosen to plan our family (or for us, plan to wait a few years down the road to expand our family). It's natural, it's effective (if used properly), and it's pretty cheap. All in all, a win. Go Team Wilson!

all things organic

2010-02-18T19:09:00.000-08:00

Or at least this is how I would like for it to be...
I've always liked healthy food, and for most of my life I've been a healthy eater. Most, but not all. Over the past probably 4 years or so, it's been fairly consistent. Moving out to Washington from the everything-fried-give-me-another-glass-of-extra-sweet-tea-Tennessee helped quite a bit. There's just an over all healthier culture there, and it makes it easier to eat healthy and be healthy. Even several local coffee shops offer healthier options, using organic, natural ingredients.
My version of healthy has changed quite a bit over the years. Like I said, I've always enjoyed eating healthy foods. I love fruits and veggies, and have no problem eating lots of them. But sometimes in my mind, healthy meant eating low-fat, low-calorie which often led to processed foods. My dear friend Hannah (in the photo with me below) really turned me on to eating healthy and making sure you are putting good things in your body.

I've learned a lot from Hannah about this topic of eating naturally and organically over our college years together. My interest in this increased, and I've tried to be more aware of what I'm putting into my body. When I moved to Colorado, I pretty much went totally organic. Part of it was a conscious decision, and part of it was convenience. There was a mid-size market just down the road from my and Jenn's apartment that was all organic. I loved this little place. I loved the fact that it was local, that it offered really healthy options at a very reasonable price, and that it was kind of small. It wasn't overwhelming to go to the grocery store; I didn't have to walk through aisles of stuff that I didn't want to buy. I took my little reusable sack and filled it up with what I needed for the week, and I was good to go. Fast forward.

I moved back to Tennessee and into my parents place. C'mon don't judge me; it's just until I get married, or maybe even sooner when mine and Joey's house gets finished. I digress. My folks are super sweet and I appreciate them letting me stay with them and eat their food; they always have all kinds of good snacks! My parents eat pretty healthy too when it comes to low-fat and low-cal. They're on the go a LOT and often eat those little Frozen healthy choice meals and fiber one bars. So I was eating the same; but I started noticing that I just wasn't feeling well. I decided to go back to the way I was eating before and after only a couple days felt MUCH better!

So this brought Joey and I into deeper conversation about how far we would and could go with Organics. See, Joey is a chef and loves using fresh food for cooking. Thankfully, we are pretty like minded in this. We want to do things that are good for our body. Joey is even all about home making as much as he can. I came home today in fact to find him researching kombucha, fermentation, and making your own soap. Loved it! We both would love to go 100% organic. Or maybe 99% organic, so we can still occasionally eat things like Raisinettes! But the thing is, it is so expensive. For the most part, my diet is pretty pure and simple food as natural as I can get it. The other things I'm trying to slowly switch to are things like soaps, shampoos, deoderant, toothpaste, etc. Some of these things have already made the transition; others are awaiting.

As far as food goes, this will be much easier and more cost-effective when Joey and I are married and living in our home. We have a huge backyard and the Mr. is planning on growing quite the garden back there for us. I couldn't be more excited!
We're still trying to decide what is do-able, what is live-able, and how to make those transitions. Ideally, at some point we will be all natural in the things that we use.

So, tell me. What are your thoughts on going organic? Do you see it as worth it, or not? How far are you willing to go with it?

So, So Much

2010-02-16T14:28:00.000-08:00

Hey bloggyblog buds!
Well so very much has been happening lately! So here are some snippets of such happenings.....

Still getting used to the new job (which I LOVE by the way)! It' s so amazing to me that I have the privilege to wake up every day and go do what I love. What I was made to do. What sets a fiery passion in my heart. I love seeing people connect with their passions, and let Jesus use them in the ways that He made them with the gifts He's given them. Maybe it's because there were times in my life (and sometimes still are) when I wonder if Jesus really can redeem me, if He really is willing to risk on me, If He's willing to put His namesake on me, back me up, and send me out to to represent Him. But He does, over and over. Even in my blowing it. I think maybe this started when my reputation wasn't exactly that of a "Jesus" kind of girl. And I'm gonna be really honest with you, I still struggle with the fact that God is a girl like me in ministry. But that's just how His grace works. ....And I know that, but parts of my heart don't yet understand that. I'm still nervous at times about that I'm gonna F it up to the point that I'm just out. Event hough I do still struggle with this insecurity from time to time, it's no where near the daily battle I used fight about this. It also would be no surprise for you to hear that I occasionally struggle with the irony that a girl like me gets to marry a guy like Joey; again, grace... But hey,that's a whole other blog post (or maybe a counseling session.) It's a process... (my favorite word ;))

My lovebird also landed a job that he loves! Which makes me oh so very happy! He's cooking away to his hearts content in a brand new, state of the art kitchen and to top it all - the hours are the best in the business at 6:30 to 2:30! Not found too often in the restaurant world! The uppers already are wild about him (i'm not in the least bit surprised), and it seems to be a great fit for him! This was a major answer to prayer; with our upcoming nuptials and all and my sweetie just itching to be our family provider, it was great timing!

Even though Joey loves his job, his heartbeat is to do ministry. Which is part of why we started GeekRock Design. The exact same reason is why I started doing photography two years ago in Washington state - Because I wanted a schedule conducive to ministry. We're still in the beginnings of getting GeekRock up and running, but so far, so GREAT! It's been tough, but we're excited to see where God takes us in this venture. And hey, we've updated the site already so check it out at www.geekrockdesign.com !!!

The house. Our first home. Humble abode. ProjectThatHasCapturedOurEvenings(except for the ones that are taken by GeekRock)andWeekendsandRefusesToReturnThemBUTthatWillTotallyBeWorthItAllSoon! Yep, we aren't really sure when we'll get to have truly a day off again. We're hoping it's done in a few more weeks, cause I tell ya what, between all that we've got going on, we are having a hard time taking a Sabbath. Which is neither good, nor healthy, nor ok. So, we need to get back to that really soon. I'll post some before and after shots when we're finished. You guys wouldn't believe the overhaul that's happening at our soon-to-be-address; that place was a dump when we first took over in there and soon it'll be a perfect first home. I can hardly wait!

Which brings me next to the wedding! Planning is going amazing well, because, well, I hired a wedding planner! This was one of those things I decided to do early on and am so glad that I have. I'm not the best with details, and this way I don't have to handle them. It's been pretty stress free, and I've been able to enjoy the engagement like I wanted to. Well, except for one HUGE, ahem, I mean little fire that started and had to be put out - but that had NOTHING to do with the WP. Things are coming along great and now we are at 10 weeks and 4 days away from that day where math goes backwards and instead of one plus one becoming two, one plus one becomes...One.

And now writing of that Big Day makes me wand to get off here and pay more attention to that handsome MR. sitting beside me. He's been working hard on some GRD stuff and I'm gonna see if I can't go distract him for a few, and encourage him a bit with some kisses! ;)

Excited for some things to slow down a bit pretty soon...and maybe I'll get to interact more over here.

something new.....

2010-01-26T12:42:00.000-08:00

No, it's not the something new that goes with the wedding stuff! Although I am so excited to hopefully pick up my new wedding gown very soon! :)
The something new is what I hinted at during my last blog post. Joey and I are starting a photography/ design company called GeekRock Design! Actually, it's mostly Joey that's taking on this venture - I'll be doing photo shoots with him, but he's masterminding the design part and most of those little details! Take a look at www.geekrockdesign.com !!!!
We also will have a blog over there that will show blog posts of recent photo shoots (and some past ones to give some back story).
We're really excited about what's unfolding!
Joey and I have tossed around the idea of combining our personal blogs (not connected with photography) and that's still a possibility. It would probably mean a higher frequency of posts. I'll keep ya posted on what we do with that and what the blog will change to if it changes.

now, what was that guys name again?

2010-01-07T07:57:00.000-08:00

"Hey Joey, now what was that guys name again?"
I asked this question to my fiance this morning as I was driving to work. The no-name, or rather forgotten-named, guy mentioned was a fellow that we met yesterday while trying to get Joey's school crisis figured out.

Honestly, I'm not the greatest at remembering names. I try really hard on most occasions, but even on my best days, I don't get it every time. Yesterday was different.

I realized this morning that the reason that I had not remembered this guy's name is not because I'm just not that great at it, but rather that I didn't really care. Yep, I didn't care who he was, what his story was, or whether he knew Jesus or not. The only thing I cared about in that moment is what Guy could do for Joey in making this school thing happen. Not who he was, but what he could do for us.

God, I pray that you would change this is in me. Change my heart and mind about people. Let me not just look at them for what could do for me - how wicked and selfish - but as who they are, as what they need. Help me to see how I can serve them, and love them well, instead of focusing so much on myself (or even selfishly wanting those I love to get what they want and need).
I know that his job is to be a resource and help, and that is much appreciated. But God, teach me to love like you love, to really love.

whoa.

2009-12-11T16:52:00.000-08:00

whoa. deep breath. things are finally slowing down a bit! well, at least for today, anyway. i'm in the midst of a busy season, but such a sweet one! (the busyness is quite welcomed after a very chilled break.) i've been back in Tennessee for about 3 weeks now.

i am absolutely loving my job! so much so, that i actually have a hard time quitting at the end of the day. i am honored to be part of this ChristWay team; they love Jesus, they love people, and have a wild passion for serving the church. it's such a cool picture of how God has crafted each of just so, in order to do our jobs. every person on that team is brilliantly gifted and skilled; yet there is no way we could do each others' jobs. we were simply, yet complicatedly, made to do what God has called us to do.
i'm so looking forward to seeing what Jesus is gonna do through and in this place, and in the life of the church.

in other great news: in less than a week, the love of my life and i will finally be in the same town, and for good this time! this journey has been interesting and unique, and definitely an adventure for the two of us. we have recognized that, for us, this season of a long distance relationship has been a good thing. God has used it to grow both of us, to Him and to each other. With that said, seasons do change, and boy are we ready for this transition! we are both just beyond excited, and are anxious for these next few days to pass quickly. what a great Christmas present!

i loved galavanting off to the northwest (and then the south-ish west) for the last 5 years. i have had so many adventures and experiences that have shaped into the woman that God is calling me to be. some of those experiences were sweet, some bitter, and others right in the middle; you got it - bittersweet. some i've understood, and others i'm still awaiting explanation. but in all cases, i trust Jesus. i trust that He's still growing me and that His love for me is immeasurable. which is why i can SO look forward to the coming seasons of life. and right now, i'm delighted to be back in Tennessee. to be close to my family, and Joey's. and with Joey, to love and serve Jesus and the folks around us here. it's gonna be great!....

oh yeah, and one of those coming season changes involves this blog... so don't go too far. details to come!

passion 2010

2009-10-25T16:26:00.001-07:00

Procesanctificgracious. How's that for a crassis?

2009-10-24T12:43:00.000-07:00

I've often spoken of the term 'process' on my blog. And in conversations. Many of them. My friend Jenn would say that if there is a word that I use more than any other in describing life, it would be process.
It's because sanctification is a process. It's sometimes a gruesome journey but with a worthy ending, thus making it a beautiful process. I was reading 1 Timothy this morning and got a sweet glimpse of Paul's relationship to Timothy. He covered so many topics in his letter to a young man whom which he was entrusting the torch of ministry. He calls Timothy his son in the faith and encourages him to live a godly example even in his youth. Timothy seems to very much be on the right track in godly living, and yet in Paul's greeting he quickly prays that the Lord give him grace, mercy, and peace. In chapter 4, Paul talks about training for godliness.""Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come." This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it. This is why we work hard and continue to struggle, for our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all people and particularly of all believers." This resonates specifically with me right now as I have recently started some physical training for our upcoming wedding. As I write, I am so sore. The gym kicked my tail yesterday and I'm feeling the pain today. Even though it hurts and it's tough, it'll be worth it. The same truth applies to training for godliness. It isn't always easy, and often the sanctification process calls that I deny myself and be obedient to Christ. But there is grace. :) I flipped over to Hebrews 4 after I finished 1 Timothy to one of my favorite passages. It's the last section in Hebrew 4. "This High Priest of ours (Jesus) understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, and yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." God knows we need Him, we need his grace. He's the One that started this process in us, and He will be faithful to complete it. I love knowing that it's o.k. to come before Jesus when I've blown it, or feel like I'm about to blow it, or when I just feel tired, or when I'm joyful beyond belief and just want to enjoy that with Him. I love the way that Jesus has and continues to capture my heart. His love is overwhelming. He saved me and is in the process of training me in His ways. he's replacing my heart with His. All in His grace and mercy. Unbelievable...yet it is!

he asked...i said yes!

2009-10-22T13:48:00.001-07:00

Joey asked me to marry him and I absolutely said yes!
It was the best proposal ever...on top of Pike's Peak in Colorado :)
Looking forward to being Mrs. Joey Wilson on May 1, 2010!

We tried to do a video blog to tell the story and had some techy troubles. hopefully we'll get the whole story posted in a couple of weeks!

glocal

2009-10-16T18:00:00.000-07:00

Glocal. Global and Local.
This concept has been spinning around in my head all day long, specifically how we as the church engage at the local level and at the global level. I know this isn't a new concept - I mean, I heard and talked often about this topic as a "Moody". I was in a unique place - though I'm not sure I realized how privileged it was at the time - of being at a school that was constantly in the know about what was happening globally in missions. I also happened to have the opportunity to work with two local church plants over the course of 5ish years. I had a sweet bird's eye view of what glocal looked like in the church.
I most personally was involved at the local level, and would say that I had an awareness of what was going on globally. My time was definitely spent being divided between school, work, and the local church.
Now that I'm a Grad, the view is a bit different. My heart is still drawn to the local church and I feel strongly that in this season - and maybe for a lifetime - my ministry will be to the local American church. But I'm wondering, is God calling me to a global mindset at the same time and if so, what does that look like? How do you fully engage in one and also not neglect the other?
What are your thoughts on this, People who love Jesus... Do you find yourself being able to engage in both and indeed be glocal? And if so, what does that look like for you?

free, indeed

2009-09-19T15:52:00.000-07:00

I've been reflecting a lot lately on how things are changing in my life and what God is doing. It's exciting, scary, adventurous, risky. Sometimes I only feel one of those emotions at a time, and other times they all seem to cascade together simultaneously. Overall, I have to say that I am more excited than anything. Perhaps even a bit surprised at the plan God seems to be unfolding before me. Definitely more of an adventure than I dreamt. I've found myself almost wondering if it's but a dream from which I could awake at any moment. Then, I realize it's real. Things seem to be going so well, that I am too quick to consider that something perhaps may wreck it all at any second.

I was having yet another one of those moments of just thanking God for Who He is in my life and what He's doing in me, when all of a sudden....I heard it.

The Voice that I haven't heard that clearly in quite a while. Despite the time that had passed since the last encounter, the Voice was all too familiar. I used to hear it frequently, almost constantly. It's pretty much the same song every time, it just continues writing new verses.
It's the Voice that screams, "look where you've come from", "look what you've done", ""your past will always follow", "you stand guilty", and "you will never really be free". "What stupid, stupid decisions you've made." "What - no - Were you thinking?".
This loop would seem to play over and over. Eventually, Jesus taught me to listen to His voice, and shut the other ones out.
Those occasions of the Voice's return are few and far between these days.

As I heard it this time, I was caught off guard. At the first sentence, it seemed to cut deep. What if it were true?!
And then, just as soon as I finished that sentence in my mind, I was reminded of this: "If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed."

I absolutely loves the way that Jesus uses the Holy Scripts to transform and renew our minds!
And, it's so incredible to realize that this Voice isn't a lie I buy into even a tenth of what I used to!
Part of me never wants to forget where I've come from. I know as much as I can in my own depravity the depth from which Jesus had to pick me up time and time and time and time again. I'm sure there will be plenty more. But I know that I am covered, soaked, marinated, in the grace of Jesus Christ and it is beyond more than enough. It keeps me humble to remember, but He lifts my face up to walk as a bearer of His glory. And dangit, I'm learning to walk in His grace and glory the rest of my days.
The enemy wants nothing more than to deceive us into thinking that God doesn't fully offer what He says He does. It simply isn't true. Jesus really does set us free - Just a small part of the Good News!

Hmmm, I feel like this blog post is a bit southern sounding, no? I've only been out of the northwest for a matter of weeks and I'm not even back in the south yet! Oh man......

TWLOHA

2009-09-14T06:43:00.000-07:00

to write love on her arms...

new news. wait that's unnecessary.... just NEWs

2009-09-10T19:08:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure why this is, but sometimes when changes are happening in my life it takes a while for me to write about it. Generally, it may make it in my journal but it usually takes a while for things to get to the blog. Maybe I just need time to process it all?! Well, there are some pieces of news I need to update on I suppose. (Although I think that most of you who follow my blog have probably already heard! :))

To recap a bit: Post graduation, I headed to Seattle for the summer. It was a good summer in the sense that it was good for me. Much of it, however, was lonely. I got to spend time and lots of it with Jesus, and it was necessary for some healing to happen in my heart and to figure some things out. While there, I decided to go to grad school and picked Colorado Springs. One reason was because there is a school here that I like but mostly, it's because one of my BFF's Jenn lives here. I was totally excited about moving to CO and starting grad school in January.
In the meantime after I decided to move but wasn't quite in CO yet, I took a trip home to Tennessee. Some conversations had been happening with a church there over the a possibility me coming on staff with them. I'm gonna spare much of the detail but long story short, I met with the church leaders on that visit. I got to hear their heart, their passion, their vision. God was leading them and myself in the same direction.... and they offered me a job which I gladly accepted. So for now, I'm in Colorado for a few months and then I will move to Tennessee to join staff at Christway Community Church!!! I could not be more excited, or more certain that this is where God is leading. And if you are wondering, Jenn is entirely ok with all this. In fact, she's pretty ecstatic with me because the girl is my friend, and because she sees what the Lord is doing. So, grad school is still in the picture and I'm now checking into a few schools that I'm interested in in that area.
It's been so amazing to see how God has directed and provided for me. Even since I've been in Colorado, I got a full-time job the first week I got here (and at a cool retail store which will infinitely help my wardrobe and cool factor lol)
I'm really excited to be on the adventure I am right now. Excited to play in Colorado for a few months with my awesome friend/roomie, excited to learn much while I'm here to prep me for the next steps, excited to look ahead towards Tennessee - being closer to my fam and serving alongside an incredible staff team at Christway.
I put this pic up because it simply reminds me of beauty. Beauty of God's creativity in - well, creating. Creating mountains to look like that! Creating a plan that fits so well together. Continuing to create His heart in me. Just beauty all around.
Have I mentioned yet that I'm excited?! Because I so am!!!
And hey - if you live in TN and I haven't seen your face in a while - which is most of you - then please let's grab some coffee cause i would love to catch up!

touchdown, Tennessee

2009-08-17T17:39:00.001-07:00

No, not the UT Vols scoring. Just me landing in Rocky Top.
I am dog-tired still. Flight from Seattle departed at midnight on Saturday, so needless to say I pretty much missed a night's sleep. But hey- I survived college with occasional all-nighters so I can pull on more, right?! I don't know, it seems more like there is a special grace you get in college to do things like that. I only graduated a couple months ago, but I am still trying to recover from the flight sleep loss! Either way,....well worth it!
I heart Tennessee. I love seeing my family - my amazing family! Hugging on them. Getting to spend time with them.
I am absolutely ecstatic at the thought that I will be living much closer here in a few weeks. Colorado is still far - a 24 hour drive - but at least it is only 1 flight away, not two or three, and it is about half the cost. Hopefully, this means that trips back to the hometown may happen more frequently. Oh I hope so!
Besides my fam - and other folks here who I dearly love there are other small things that make it a favorite place to visit.
Like.... the sound of crickets at night, downpours of rain - and it stays hot instead of getting really cold, Mexican food, sweet tea, hearing southern accents.
So what about you? What are some of your favorite things about the place you grew up, where you live now, or your fave place to visit?

Oh the thoughts that come late at night...

2009-08-05T00:46:00.000-07:00

It's almost 1 am. I'm at that sleepy, yet awake stage. My gal pal Leann and I had a girls night of which included me downing about half a bottle of Cherry Coke Zero (1/2 of a 20 oz that is lol) in order to ensure I stayed awake through the chick flick. Well it worked, and now I need to go to bed but alas, here I am blogging.

Oh the thoughts that come from head to keyboard late at night...

At the risk of sounding really hyper spiritual, I will say that the thoughts running through my mind right now have much to do with the grace of God. Especially how much He lavishes it on undeserving recipients.

Part of the grace that I see right now in my own life has to do with community. It amazes me how God places us in conversations with folks, and that it is so mutually encouraging. I've had the privilege of talking to a couple of different friends in the last 2 days and honestly, out of those conversations - it makes me want to follow Jesus more. It stirs something within me to rise up and walk out who God has made me to be. It increases an appetite to know God, and to imitate Him. Even though some of those thoughts/ideas are never mentioned. It's His grace; His strength; His encouragement to His kids. And the cool part is that He is using us kids to teach each other. Sharpen each other like iron.

Process has been another word meandering in and out of my mind today. (for those of you who have followed my blog, this is no surprise right?! lol) A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting out on the dock overlooking the lake. I didn't have too much on the agenda; I was reading, and enjoying the sunshine, and maybe a little people (and pup) watching. I noticed this man playing fetch with his dog. He would throw a stick into the water and give the dog a command to go get it. Most of the time, the dog went straight to the stick, and when he got there his owner cheered like crazy! I'm talking whenthevolsscoreatouchdowninrockytop kind of cheering! Then, the same process was repeated. There were a few times however when the dog didn't seem to see where the stick landed; he still went out into the water as far as he could go, then when he wasn't sure he pretty much just stopped. The dog waited for his owner to give him a directional command as to where the stick was (which I couldn't understand by the way) and the dog would get a little further. Sometimes, the dog would get turned around, and the owner would call out a different command. Eventually, the owner led the dog to the stick where the owner cheered relentlessly, and the dog would return to the shore, stick in mouth, to do a repeat. This whole scenario was quite captivating for me and I started to journal thoughts about how I think that God works with us in a similar manner. We go where He leads, and when we think we aren't sure we wait for His next direction. And here is the cool part: God actually is cheering us on! He continues to encourage, like any good parent would, and then goes crazy with excitement when we get it! There are so many grace moments, opportunities to learn, and chances for victory. It is a process; it takes time to train and to learn.

I like that the pup didn't stop. He wanted to please his master, and he seemed to be having a heck of a fun time while doing it! Not only do we get God encouraging us in those moments where it is just the two of us, we also get moments with the rest of humanity. We get to journey together, making up the Body of Christ, and walk this thing out together. Simply amazing.

My eyelids are getting really heavy; the Coke Zero must be wearing off. It's time for sleep...yet another evidence of grace!

a word i need to hear today...

2009-07-29T12:51:00.000-07:00

psalm 36:5-7ish (msg)
God's love is meteoric,
his loyalty astronomic,
His purpose titanic,
his verdicts oceanic.
Yet in his largeness, nothing gets lost;
Not a man, not a mouse, slips through the cracks.
How exquisite your love, O God!
How eager we are to run under your wings!

"bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do?"

2009-07-28T11:25:00.000-07:00

I turned on the tv this morning and started flipping through channels, while multi-tasking of course - being online and eating breakfast. My attention was caught by what I thought was a high speed car chase broadcast by our local news station. I guess if you know who my father (former policeman, current fire/rescue chief) and brother (member of the rescue squad) are then it's no surprise that I was now enamored with this chase. The multi-tasking had stopped and I only could focus on the tv; I did not, after all, want to miss a moment!
The chase involved a guy in a little Honda. The cop was chasing him and every time the police tried to cut him off, he would swerve to try and hit their car. He ran a few red lights thankfully with no repercussions. Then he came up behind a car who apparently wasn't moving fast enough for him - and he rammed it. Another cop car cut him off and the bad guy got out of his car, hands up in the air, was tackled by the police and cuffed.
It turns out the Honda was stolen and drug paraphernalia was found inside. Pretty typical huh?! But here's the thing....
My heart broke for this guy. I welled up with emotion when I saw the look on his face. All I could think about was how broken he must be to be making the decisions that led him to his current circumstances. Prior to that moment, my thoughts were that he was a complete inconsiderate fool for putting so many other people at risk, and injuring the driver of the car that he hit. Though he is obviously responsible for those decisions - and yes it was wrong, I still experienced an amount of compassion for this man that I can assure you did not begin with my flesh. It simply had to be a glimpse of the heart of Jesus toward people. Especially people who seem to really, really not deserve it. Then again...I am one of those people. I don't deserve His grace, yet He lavished it upon me.
What I was watching on tv wasn't actually a broadcast from the local news station; it was an episode of COPS. That kinda cracked me up a bit; I wonder if it stirred my heart a bit more to think that this guy was in my town, that this chase had happened in recent hours. I don't know, but I do know that I want to experience God's heart towards people. More often. And not just through the tv.

glorious

2009-07-26T23:17:00.000-07:00

glorious.
This word has been consistent in my mind over the last few days. Partially because of the view I was able to behold a couple of days ago. I was working out on the deck at the restaurant; the sun was setting and it was absolutely clear. Then, the right side of the sky darkened and rain started drizzling, casting a yellow tint over the lake. The sunset took on hues of orange and pink. These words do not even come close to describing that view. Those moments. The only thing I could think of was....glorious.
The second reason that it may be in my head is because David Crowder's Remedy album has been consistently playing.
And then, there was today. I just had a glorious evening with Jesus. He knows exactly what it takes to capture my heart, and He continues to surprise and overwhelm me over and over again...thus the continuum of glorious dancing about my brain.

I'm moving!!!!!

2009-07-18T08:50:00.000-07:00

I'm moving to Colorado Springs, CO! The plan is to pursue grad school for a counseling degree!
The move date is around September 1st. I am SO excited about this new adventure. I'm not exactly sure what all the details are yet, and hopefully the logistics will become more clear in the next month.
A really, sweet icing on the cake is that I'm going to be living with my friend Jenn and we are like peas in a pod!
Ah, it feels great to have made a decision. And especially to have made this one! I have long since had a love affair with the Colorado area since I was about 13 when my parents took me on my first ski trip to Breckenridge. And, it's gonna be great to be a lot closer to Tennessee (cheaper flights!!). I'm so looking forward to seeing where God leads in the months to come and I'm also happy to be able to enjoy another month in the Seattle area!

Lam

2009-06-30T08:51:00.000-07:00

I read this a couple of days ago, and it's been resonating in me ever since...
It's from Lamentations 3 in The Message.

But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:
God's loyal love couldn't have run out, His merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over.)
He's all I've got left...
God proves to be good...
It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God...
The Master won't ever walk out and fail to return. If He works severely, He also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal love are immense...

all in knots

2009-06-29T12:34:00.001-07:00

It wasn’t intentional, and nothing tumultuous or tragic happened; it just took a couple of weeks and a little bit of moving. A necklace, a ring, and an earring: 3 separate pieces now combined into a tangled mess. Before I knew it I had one of the biggest knots I’d seen. The chain of the necklace had wrapped around itself, and the other two pieces of jewelry. That has happened before, but it was never that tangled. There were more tiny knots than I could even see to count.
It took a lot of patience to untangle it. A few times I even thought about ripping it just to get it undone. But since I really like the chain on that necklace, I decided against it. I just kept working at it and working at it and eventually it was freed....well almost. There is still a tiny little knot that I can’t get out, but it’s definitely wear-able again.
God was teaching me a lesson as I sat and untangled that knot. It’s quite comparable to our lives sometimes. We don’t intentionally tangle things up, nothing terribly tragic has happened; we try to play it safe but we just aren’t that intentional with keeping things in order. We shift something around here or there, but don’t think much of it. We see a little knot start to form, but it’s happened before and we’ve successfully untangled it...so we can do it again. And then one day, we look at a couple things in our life and realize we have a huge tangled knot. Try to fix it as we may, we can’t get it undone.
Our God is patient. And He knows how to untangle. He sees the miniscule details of how the knot formed and His fingers are precise to undo what we can’t. Just as I was careless about the jewelry, sometimes I can be that way with life. It has to continually come back to a place of engaging in my relationship with Jesus. To take care of that stuff while it’s still small - no, rather to let Jesus take care of it. Absolutely nothing is beyond God’s capacity to figure out; He can do and undo what we can’t. His love and faithfulness are constant and fresh. And I want to live in that; not just letting Him untangle things when it gets to the point that I can’t. I wanna be vulnerable with God, letting Him deal with my fears and insecurities as they come up, so that it doesn’t turn into a big knot. I know there will be times that it does, and when it happens, God’s got me. But I’d rather rest in His presence, staying engaged with Jesus, being intentional and not lazy... Resting in Jesus.
I still have that little knot it my necklace. And for now, I’m going to leave it as a reminder. It’s interesting...this necklace I’m talking about has two inscriptions. One one side it says hagios which is the Greek word for holy, and on the other it says charis which is the Greek word for grace....all kinds of reminders in this one!

the bay

2009-06-15T10:34:00.000-07:00

just a few Seattle pics.... (took these on the cell phone, so they aren't the best quality)

The move...

2009-06-14T10:51:00.000-07:00

Strangely, I've been rather quiet in the blogging world about the move to Everett. And I'm not really sure why. I think maybe it's because when I blog, I think I should have a whole story. I mean, unless I have a cool picture, it doesn't do much justice to drop a one liner now does it?! I got away with that briefly about a week ago when I lumped several one liners into a post of things I needed to post about. And now I have posted about every other thing. Except for Everett.

I'm not really sure what the story is yet. This move didn't and doesn't make much logical sense to me. I mean, I pick up from a community of which I'm very established. Friends, church - where I was doing what I wanted to do regarding ministry with people I loved, a job (waiting tables yes - but making great money at a great restaurant) - to move even farther from home. But a few months ago, I felt transition was coming. I couldn't totally explain it and I didn't know what areas of my life it would affect - or if would even leave any areas of my life untouched. I simply didn't know. I just felt it coming.

Let me give a short and sweet version of the back story about Everett. Two + years ago, I started going to Living Hope. Joe and Charity Slawter were pastoring. They had planted and pastored LH for 10 years, and back in November felt God leading them to Everett, Wa (just outside of Seattle) for Joe to go on staff at New Life as a church planting pastor. (Basically, he coaches people in church planting.) Fast forward - we began talking about me coming to Everett as well (and wait just to clarify - I am not planting a church right now :)) So, one week after college graduation and one week ago, I packed up and headed - even farther - west.

So far, the transition is pretty much as I had expected it to be. So many of these parts remind me of when I moved to Coeur d'Alene... and then to Spokane. It's exciting to be in a new place. And it's scary. New surroundings and new people. I'm meeting new people all the time. And yet I'm lonely. I haven't found a niche yet. I miss my friends dearly. I miss normalcy. New surroundings. New people. New adventures. It's part of it. But it's only been a week. It won't always be new. And it won't always feel awkward. It just takes some settling in.

When I first thought and talked and prayed about moving here, I wasn't sure where God was leading. In lots of ways, I sensed Him giving me some open options. But the closer it came to moving, the more I thought that this move to Everett was the the right thing for right now. And that's as far as I can get. Even though this is still very much a bittersweet adventure, I really think God has me here for a purpose right now. He is teaching me SO much. This morning even, I am just awed by His grace. There's something about being out of the comfort zone that makes me think a little differently and realize all the more my desperate need for God. And that's a good place to be, even though it feels far from good.

The Slawters are loving on me well, and I'm really excited to see what God is unfolding in that BIG plan of His.

Thanks for reading.
I miss you and love you like crazy!

And the fam came to Spokane....

2009-06-10T11:40:00.001-07:00

Some of my sweet family came out to Spokane for graduation. Most of these are at the lake, and the one with Brooke is from Gooey's a dessert place at the Marina.

God, the tanning bed, and getting evenly cooked

2009-06-08T10:12:00.000-07:00

I wanted to get a little bit of a tan before graduation. So as not to resemble
Casper in the pictures, I decided to go to the fake and bake for a few sessions. Five to
be exact. Sessions one, two, and three went fairly well. Hadnʼt gotten myself fried.
Could tell I was getting a hint of color. Pretty good overall. Well, for session four I
decided to up the time limit so I would get my moneyʼs worth, right?! And I did. I was a
bit burnt, but still not a lobster. I was pleased with my most recent session and was
smiling at my newly forming little tan...until I saw them. The two bare white patches right
at my chest/armpit. How in the world did those not et tan?!, I wondered. Then, I realized
it....”the girls” were covering up those spots while I was tanning! Ok, now I had to
strategize to use my next (and last) number ﬁve session. I did what any rational girl
would do and sought out the advice of a couple girlfriends who are regular tanners.
They gave me some great tips and I was ready to go back and get evened out.
Between some shifting around and awkward positions, it worked; I came out with an
even color!
This got me to thinking though and I found some similarities in my spiritual life. I
thought about those spots in my life that I donʼt always expose to the light of God. (I
realize that this analogy is completely cheesy, but hey it is what it is!) Ok, back to it...
For whatever reason, there are some parts that seem to stay under the shade of
something else. Possibly because I donʼt realize it or maybe because Iʼm intentionally
hiding those parts that I donʼt want to expose. But truthfully, I want all of me to be laid
bare before God; to surrender every single part of who I am to Him. He is safe. He is
trustworthy. He knows inﬁnitely better than me. I wanted an even bake in the tanning
bed, so why not also desire to be evenly cooked by God?! I continually pray that He
grows me and matures me, and brings me to a place of knowing Him more intimately.
In this growth process (yes, thereʼs that word again!), I donʼt just want to pick and
choose parts that He can sanctify and then hide others. Realistically, and thankfully,
God has an incredible plan to sanctify ALL of me. After all, the work that God starts He
brings to full completion and He is faithful to do so. I can rest in that, and I also want to
cooperate with God regarding what He is doing in me, what He is growing, what He is
changing. I want to be willing to work with Him to shift me around - sometimes ﬁnding
myself in awkward positions - for the sake of knowing that God is doing an all over work
in me. :)

so much...

2009-06-05T21:11:00.000-07:00

... to blog about!
I probably have at least about 4 blog posts that I could have done in the past week or so.
I just really haven't had the time.
Here are some highlights of what each post would be (and possibly will be now that I'll have some more time on my hands):
* Graduation from Moody. Exactly one week ago tomorrow. Wow!
* Spending a greater part of the week with some of my fam who came out to SpokWa for graduation.
* Some thoughts on God, the tanning bed, and getting cooked evenly.
* The move to Everett. (For those of you who haven't heard, I'm moving to the Seattle area, Everett specifically.) Leaving tomorrow.
Bitter.Sweet.
As for now, I'm still not quite ready to bring any of these posts to actuality, but I think soon I will be able to blog about...so much!

a little Jenn, a little Tif

2009-05-25T08:45:00.000-07:00

My friend Jenn just wrote a great post, to which I commented on her blog. Good stuff, people! In italics is a portion of Jenn's post, and what follows is the comment I posted.

When He is all I have, He is all I need. At times I feel like I have to pretend that it’s true so I can fake-it-to-make-it. And at other times, when there is no tidy solution or easy fix, I find myself certain that trusting in His faithfulness to carry me through is the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.

He is my Keeper. And that is enough for me.

“When He is all I have, He is all I need”. I really love that God puts us in those positions to have – or feel like we have – nothing but Him. I mean, I hate it at first, and in the middle, and almost to the end but once I realize what He’s doing – that He is being jealous over me, then it gets to the lovin’ it part. I guess I don’t always realize that’s what God is doing. Often I get stuck in the sovereignty battle and just want God to give me whatever I want and fix it so I will feel better. So much of this, I think, is a lifelong thing. God shows us that He is all we need in a myriad of circumstances and life seasons. I think I’m in that spot now in one of the many life seasons of which God will be teaching me this same thing; God is really trying to show me that He is all I need but I’m still in the ‘I’m kinda mad about it because I think I’m not getting what I want” phase; but really, the true desire of my heart is to want Him. Even when I don’t always feel like that is my desire. I love that Jesus works those things out in us; I think it’s partially the result of us working together with God, ya those times when we pray to know that God is all we need (forgetting of course what a difficult thing that is to learn!) and partially just that God is a good and gracious Dad, giving us the very best even when we don’t see what the best actually is.

10 days

2009-05-20T21:21:00.000-07:00

...and counting down. In exactly 10 days, I will be a college graduate, with my Bachelor's in Biblical Studies.
w.o.w.
I just finished writing my next to last paper. This one was for my Genesis class. And secretly (and now publicly) I really enjoyed it. The research. The reflecting. The writing. As much as I truly do want to be out of school, I think there are parts of it that I will probably still continue. Like researching, reflecting, and writing on Biblical passages. :)
The next paper I have to write will likely be the biggest paper of my undergraduate career. It's a combo paper between a detailed doctrinal statement and how I am wired/prepared for ministry. That will be my last paper. Then I will get my degree. Finally.
In 3 hours, then there will be nine...

waiting, part 2

2009-05-13T15:11:00.001-07:00

I guess it's been long enough in between post 1 on waiting to post the number 2. Not that I have any more answers, just some more thoughts...
Sometimes when I interact with folks, I get to hear some great stories. They provide me with a view of their life like a little slice of sweet fruit. Not the whole thing, I mean rarely do we really see the whole of whatever is going on in our lives, but a bit of their story. I have heard stories of people waiting a long time for__________ (fill in the blank). They pray, they hope, and they continue to wrestle out their faith in the waiting. Some people have waited a really long time; it makes me look like a wuss with my whining about the waiting.
What if waiting wasn't just about the wait though? What if it were about preparation?
What if our God - who knows us infinitely more than we know ourselves - is getting us ready for whatever it is that we are hoping for? Consider Abraham, he waited and waited and waited on God's promise and even died still hoping even though he didn't get to see the complete fulfillment of the promise. Think about the Israelites as they were wandering in the wilderness. God wasn't just making them wait for the heck of it; they had to be ready to step into the land God had promised them - and it took said amount of time to get them there. It seems like we have such a timeline for everything, but the truth is: not everyone graduates college in 4 years. And not that it's bad if you do, but it likewise isn't bad if you don't. I'm talking about much more than just college. We have all these expectations of what life is supposed to look like at each age and then become frustrated when we aren't there yet. But maybe, it's that God is still preparing us. Maybe the wait becomes much easier when we grasp that God is still doing something in us WHILE we wait. It has a purpose.
It still doesn't mean we won't struggle and wrestle. I think that's part of growing. But in that, it means our faith is growing too. And that beings me back to the word with which I have a love/hate relationship: process. It's a process. And waiting's part of it.

Hey Mom!

2009-05-10T09:31:00.000-07:00

Good. I'm glad I caught your attention. :)
Happy Mother's Day!
I miss you like crazy and so wish I could hang out with you today. I am so glad that you are coming out my way soon - 2 weeks and 5 days if you're counting. ..who am I kidding?! You are SO counting! lol
Mom, you are amazing! There is no way I could have asked for a Mom who loves me more than you do. You might be the most selfless person that I have ever met - barring Jesus of course ;) You have absolutely been my number one cheerleader and supporter. I know that you believe in me. Thanks for that, Mom! And - you are so much fun! You are hilariously funny, always up for a laugh. I love your adventurous spirit - I may have caught a hint of that. You are by far my favorite person on the planet to go shopping with! (we are so doing that soon; be thinking of a way now to set up a man plan so we can steal away to the mall!) I love watching you with my sisters and with their babies. You love so well. That should be said again, you love so well. From our family, to any and everybody that my sisters and I have brought home over the years. You make people feel welcomed and cared about. And it makes me feel even more loved when you love on people I love. :) I really enjoy watching you love Jesus. And to beat it all Mom - You are gorgeous to boot!
I hope that a whole bunch of the woman you are rubs off on me.
I do love you. So much. (Imagine I get to hug you now ;) )
Can't wait to see you soon; I hope that you have an incredible day today!
I rise up and call you blessed.

waiting, part 1

2009-04-27T15:06:00.000-07:00

It makes me a little apprehensive when I title a post "part 1" because I have just tied myself to at least a "part 2". I wrote this several days ago, but have held off on posting it because I really wanted to immediately post a "part 2" after a "part 1". But here I am posting "1" without yet having a "2". I think I'm closer, but not yet there. And I'm gonna choose to let that be alright.

so, part one...

Waiting.
Waiting for God.
For Him to speak, to move.
Waiting sometimes can be one of the hardest things when your heart is so hopeful.
It seems like in the beginning it is tough to wait, but then a little while later the idea seems to settle in. You understand that sometimes you do have to wait for good things, and the thing you are hoping for is good, rendering it worth the wait. Hopeful, you’re ok, waiting in the wait.
Then it happens, slowly and quickly all at the same time. For a while now, you’ve chosen to push away the thoughts of “this will never happen.”, “it won’t come through.”, “I’m waiting in vain.” But all of a sudden, those individual thoughts resurface, this time as with the weight of a hurricane hitting the shore full force. It now seems like those doubts cannot be stopped, no matter how many times previously you had managed to keep them at bay. Not this time. You want to; you want to push them away, to continue to believe, to continue to hope but the waves of utter uncertainty, paralyzing fear, and dramatic emotion instead rush over you threatening to drown you. You’re not sure if you’re going to make it out of this one; Sure, you’ve made it before, but not this time. It all seems too much. You may wonder, why doesn’t God save me now? Why doesn’t it seem like He’s coming through, like He said He would? Why don’t you feel Him? You so much want to see your own heart changed, to be healed and whole.
There’s nothing left to do, but to continue the wait...But how should that look when you feel like you need more faith?
Jesus, I can’t wait for You without You, and yet I know You’re here....

...Because what better picture to post with "waiting" than a preggers belly..... :) (i took this photo of a dear friend when she was about 8 months along with baby number 2)

See His Love

2009-04-12T19:48:00.000-07:00

We had such a great time of worship at Living Hope this morning! My friend Miranda sang this song by Kim Walker (Jesus Culture). It was so good to hear this song this morning as it happens to be one of my favorites. Check out the song....

Beth Burkey

2009-04-11T11:12:00.000-07:00

My friend Beth Burkey is in a contest, "O Say Can You Sing?" I wanted to post a video on here to help get the word out, and views help to count as votes!

I met Beth when I went on the Chrysalis walk, and later began attending a Tuesday night college Bible study she taught. When I went to TWC, I lived only a couple blocks from the Burkey house, and between absolutely loving the whole fam and being close friends with Stephanie (Beth's daughter), I was at their house...a bunch. Beth poured into me as well as a many others and taught me much about about Jesus.

Check out the YouTube video... here

from a kid's point of view

2009-04-08T21:55:00.000-07:00

Pudding is one of my favorite things to eat. Sugar free. Fat free. And my very favorite way to eat it....is frozen. If you haven't tried this, you totally should. The beauty in it is that you can have an ice cream like treat, without as much of the bad stuff. Now, it doesn't come close to replacing Diddier's Frozen Yogurt (a local SpokWa fave) or Coldstone Creamery, but it's still a great home treat. There is one little trick though; when you pull it out of the freezer, it's way harder than you really want it to be, so I stick it in the microwave for a bit. Tonight, when I was putting it in the microwave I thought I may have put it in for just a few seconds too long. When I pulled out my pudding, I had a flashback of a childhood memory (which is actually the main point of this post!)...

Isn't it annoying when things just aren't as they should be? Like when things that are supposed to be hot, are actually cold....or vise versa??
When I pulled my pudding cup out, already fearing that I may have nuked it too long, the side plastic piece was hot. It was this moment that flooded in a piece of my past kid world. Before I go on with what the kid story actually is, I will tell you that I indeed did not melt my pudding too much; it was perfectly cold and creamy. But - a second longer and it could have been a disaster! ;)

This moment of something that I thought was going to be cold still and indeed was hot, reminded me of Kid Cuisine's. Anyone remember those...the kids' tv dinner with the little penguin? I use to love, and I mean LOVE Kid Cuisine's. Love them as I did though, the darn things never seemed to cook correctly. The main part of the dinner usually cooked fine, but often I was left with cold corn and an overcooked, gooey, brownie. I could not get them to all heat evenly!
I must not have minded too much because I still had a blast picking out the different dinners at the grocery store. Usually didn't even matter what was on the inside, it was just this whole idea of a TV dinner that made me excited. The other thing I remember about eating Kid Cuisine is watching Nickelodeon at the same time with my Mom. I'm sure there were a lot of little shows that I liked, but I specifically remember Flipper, the dolphin. That show was one of my very favorites! I even wanted to be a dolphin trainer when I grew up!
I will add a disclaimer in here: you may have to check with my mom to see if some of these things are actually true. I was only about 4ish years old at the time, and am only telling it how I remember it.
This Kid Cuisine/Nick fest only happened for a really short period of my little life. I mean, I guess my mom still bought them on occasion throughout my childhood but these memories are from a specific season.
My mom and dad were either going through the process of getting divorced or were recently divorced - I don't know which. It was just the two of us - Mom and I - living in our apartment. I think we were probably really close to poor, but between Kid Cuisine's and watching Flipper on Nickelodeon with my Mom - I would have never known it. I loved those evenings! I'm sure that we did other things and ate other meals..(I'm not really sure what Mom ate when she made me a K.C...maybe she had one too?!) but I remember it so clearly that it seems like we did this every single night. Mom didn't just plop me in front of the TV so it could babysit me; she watched with me. We did it together. I wonder now how my mom feels about those months...or years...I don't even know the time frame. I thought I was the richest and coolest kid in the world! Even if we were stinkin' close to poor - I didn't have the slightest clue. I knew even then that my Mom cared about me a whole bunch; I'm sure she would have rather watched an adult show and cooked real food for us, but she not only let me enjoy KC and Nick, she seemed to enjoy it because I enjoyed it!

Thinking about eating a Kid's Cuisine slightly grosses me out now. Even in my college years, I haven't been a huge fan of frozen dinners. But then.... they were almost magical. Such a special treat! Cold corn, gooey brownie and all! Insta-dinner! (As lazy as I am with cooking, it actually surprises me that I don't still eat frozen dinners. Ha!) I haven't seen Flipper in a long time but I imagine I'd still like it. (Mom, maybe we should have a KC/Flipper night next time we get to see each other.....On second thought, as much as I loved it then, I'm glad that we have developed far many more traditions since then! Witherspoons?! :( Shopping?! )

Yes, the split second of me taking my pudding cup out of the microwave, feeling a hot edge when I expected a chilled one brought back those fond memories....

Great news!

2009-04-08T09:55:00.000-07:00

So, check out the picture in my previous post.....
See that Papaw with his sweet Mariah?
Well, we found out some great news about Dennis! The results came back from his most recent surgery, and this time...it wasn't cancer! Woohoo! Yippee! Thanks God!

trusting Papaw

2009-04-06T15:51:00.000-07:00

I just saw one of the sweetest things.

I'm sitting at the Rocket Bakery on Garland. There is a big picture window beside the front door so you have a pretty open view of the street outside. The Garland District (where RB is located) is an old part of Spokane. It has several little shops and many people walk to where they are going around here. Just outside the door there is a crosswalk. This is where "sweetest thing" took place.

A papaw and a little boy had been in Rocket B and were walking out together. The little boy was just ahead of his Pap. Once he reached the crosswalk, he stopped, looked up at Papaw, and held out his hand for Papaw to hold so they could cross the street together. The little blonde-haired guy was full of energy but he didn't want to walk by himself. He didn't seem to be afraid; He just seemed to know that it was better to go with Papaw. He didn't have to be forced to take a hand; He offered his own willingly, knowing that was just the best thing. After they crossed the street, he went back to running and being full of energy.

I get that this is a very common thing. Little tiny folks grab the hands of adults all the time as they take on ventures they just aren't ready to do on their own. But something caught my attention about this little guy and the trust he had in his Papaw.
Actually, it reminds me of my own relationship with God. I want to be able to trust Him more often with that same look of delight and complete contentment that that little man did. It just seems like so much fun! :)

Here's a picture of another little one with her Papaw.
This is my niece Mariah and my stepdad Dennis. They love each other so very much!
Aren't they somethin'? ;)

beckoned

2009-04-02T14:42:00.000-07:00

You beckon me to come to You.
You extend the invitation, specially for me.
You know how to draw me in, You know what stirs my heart to come.
It doesn't come when I expect.
I'm not dressed in my best. Hair isn't fixed.
Not a stitch of makeup on; face is salt stained with tears.
I don't feel ready for You. And I'm not.
But I need you.
You don't care that I'm not ready; you know I never can be.
And you know I need You.
You beckon me to come to You.
You extend the invitation, specially made for me.
You know how to draw me in, You know what stirs my heart to come.
You call your Daughter to come into the arms of her Father.
Knowing me, still You call me beautiful and wonderful.
Wrap me in Your arms of Grace and let me rest in Your love.
Goodness surrounds me even though I hurt.
I need You, I want You. Only You, Jesus
You beckon me...

authentic grace

2009-03-30T11:38:00.000-07:00

I’ve been thinking about authenticity lately...living life in an authentic way....being real.

I realize that I’m not the only one, as this mantra of “Be yourself” seems to define so much of my own generation. I use the word mantra intentionally; there is a conflict of wanting so much to be “the real you” and also wanting to form what you think should be “the real you” that such an incantation is a needed reminder. We live between the sung phrases of “be authentic” and also “be perfect”, trying to make them both true. By no means do I intend to make light of this conflict. I think it is a reality, even and maybe especially, within Christian circles. I struggle with this conflict myself, and it is something I continue to wrestle out with Jesus.

I long to be real; to be ok with who I am. Even when I mess up - and.....sin.
But there is this other part of me that longs to prove to God that I’m worth His saving me.
Ok, before you pick up the cyber stones to throw at me for bad theology, I’m just stating how I feel, and even more than just feeling, how I perceive things at times.

So what do we do in the middle? How is that we can be real, transparent with ourselves, before God and other people? How is that we seek to live in such a way that pursue after the heart of God? How do we struggle - and see victory - in the battle against the expectation of perfection?

God is so amazingly gracious with us. Even as I was writing that previous sentence, I had the thought that those words don’t even come close to portraying God’s relations toward us. It sounds so cliche, so mundane; kind of like something I’ve heard a billion times. And probably will need to hear at least a billion more. It’s easy to forget that God is so incredibly full of grace towards us that there is no way He could run out of grace. It’s impossible; an impossibility of which we are most certain the beneficiaries. It’s this grace that leads to repentance. Knowing that God is so gracious helps us to be transparent with Him. We don’t have to lie to ourselves about who we really are or hide from God. Adam and Eve tried that and it didn’t work so well for them. God knew that they had disobeyed. God also anticipated they would and provided a sacrifice.

I realize that this whole thing isn’t something to just be resolved in a blog post. As I’ve said in one form or another - at least a handful of times on this blog ;) - it is a process. So for now, I want to focus on the fact that often God is not who perceive him to be. I forget that He loves me more I know and offers more grace than I can comprehend.

“So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for He faced all of the same testings we do, yet He did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” Hebrews 4:14-16

getting stabbed

2009-03-01T21:05:00.000-08:00

as you can see, we got stabbed today......but only with long needles :)
kasey, megan, and i all got different parts of our ears pierced.
james decided to forego the piercing party, but that's his hand showing off his new ring
all part of a day on a silver safari!

freedom

2009-02-25T12:45:00.000-08:00

etiquette...at the buffet

2009-02-23T16:30:00.000-08:00

Today. Megan and I. Local Thai place. Lunchtime buffet.
Someone needing a lesson in buffet etiquette.

After leaving our Round 1 empty lunch plates on our table, Meg and I make our way to the buffet. Once there, we proceed to pick up a fresh plate for Round 2. Following close behind us are two people also going for round 2 -let's call them Guy and Girl, for the sake of their anonymity. I notice that Guy and Girl both have their previous plates from Round 1 in hand; this was a brief noticing on my part that minorly grossed me out, but not the point of commenting, because well, that's just uncalled for. Girl however did not extend the courtesy to Megan and I when she proceeded to comment to Guy about the fact that we were using clean plates for Round 2. Without even attempting to whisper to Guy, Girl says, "It's so rude to use clean plates when you already have one that you can reuse." Seriously? Now, she may be trying to be a conservationist and a Go-Greener, or whatever. For that she gets some applause. But there are reasons why people get fresh plates at the buffet. There are reasons why, when you sit down at your table a clean plate greets you, and also why when you go to the buffet a whole stack of clean plates awaits you. The reasons for this are probably many, but for now I will only share two.
Reasons for a new plate for each trip to the buffet:
#1. Hygiene - When you have already eaten off of your plate and then proceed to have the serving spoon come in contact with your plate only to be placed back in the serving dish - that's just gross. (And might I add that this is somewhat inevitable when attaining a serving of sticky rice; you have to sort of hit it against the plate a little to transfer it from the spoon to the plate.) We prefer cleanliness in our culture, and I would prefer to limit the spreading of germs or at least keep this to a minimum.
#2 Preserving taste of food. Maybe on Round 1 you tried Food item A, which was very tasty, and perhaps on Round 2 you wanted Food item B - also tasty. However, when A and B are mixed together because of a lack of clean plate, the taste is just jacked up and not as pleasant.
There are reasons for fresh plates, reasons that can even be appreciated by the eco-friendly ( which by the way, I have nothing against the eco-friendly. I am even supportive and wish to become more GO Green myself) - but exceptions have to be made when it comes to buffet plates and the proper etiquette with which one should use to partake of community served food.

On the brighter note, I feel that God is sanctifying me in the area of my tongue; It took every bit of me and Jesus working together to keep my mouth shut from telling Girl the truth about etiquette and cleanliness. However, God still needs to work on my heart and on letting things go because obviously, it' still a stirring in me. :)

If anyone is still reading this, I am absolutely shocked. ok, I'm done ranting over something so ridiculous.

ALIAS

2009-02-18T22:54:00.000-08:00

it's almost 11 pm and i desperately need to be in bed. I'm so tired that my eyes are doing that really slow open and close thing, like i can hardly keep 'em open. but i tell you what, my mind is racing! i've spent the last few hours with my Meg and Kasey watching ALIAS. some of you may be familiar with this show. i'm not a huge tv buff so i didn't discover this show until it was long off the air, but when i did - i was hooked! Now that I'm typing, I feel like I may have blogged about this before but I'm so sleepy I can't remember if I did or not and frankly, am too lazy to look.
Jennifer Garner plays the amazing Sydney Bristow, CIA agent that can really kick some ars if ya know what I mean. it seems like that girl can get herself out of almost any situation, and when she can't - someone always comes through for her. Usually it's her dad, Jack (also CIA) or her handler/boyfriend/ex-boyfriend/still loves her, aka Michael Vaughn. She can undergo some amazing pressure, fighting, torture, ....name it, and yet still come out with the victory in her assigned mission. Sometimes there are definite moments when you think she's not gonna make it, that this time it's gone too far and she done. Other times there are setbacks and unexpected time lapses, but still, eventually, she makes it out. Not only is she ok ,but she seems even stronger than before. Something about watching this show makes me want to be a part of something bigger. Tendencies that are generally not part of my personality seem to come to the surface and at times even accompanied by a bit of adrenaline. I'm sure if these things were happening in real life I'd be scared stiff, but a girl can imagine, right? This reaction to a TV show doesn't really surprise me; it's happened before. Example: When I was a kid, and the Free Willy movie came out (the first one), I wanted to be a dolphin or whale trainer. Yes I am serious. i wanted a wet suit and a whistle....and my very own dolphin (thought they were cooler than whales.) i think it comes back to wanting to be a part of an adventure, having a purposeful battle to fight, to play my part, and to see the victory. With ALIAS, I like the idea of doing those things and being part of a team - fighting along side people on the same team as yourself, bailing each other out, and winning - even if it means taking some losses first.
In reality, all of those things are part of the life that I live. Ok, so maybe the battles are different - I don't get to field train or become a super cool fighter chick. The weapons I'm using aren't guns, knives, or cool gadgets like a lipstick firestick - but nonetheless, the battle is real - even more real than what J-Gar is fighting on ALIAS (obviously :) )
God has invited me into an incredible adventure. The battle that we face is so real, and yet mostly unseen by the eyes of humanity. There is fighting against the enemy, partnership with other believers fighting on the same team, wounds along the way, setbacks that seem like it may be the end, but there is always victory. Some victories happen along the way and we emerge stronger; God is always there to rescue us - even if it feels like He is never coming, He always will. And ultimately the victory belongs to the Lord. God prevails. That victory is final and forever; He wins.
It intrigues me to see how He has wired me and sometimes it surprises me. Often things like bloody fights can make my stomach turn and my head immediately look away, yet other times i get this adrenaline rush to rise up to the occasion and do whatever it is that I must do to play my part. It's definitely an adventure; sometimes it seems like we won't make it. But always, God comes through. He is right there fighting on my behalf and offering me to adventure with Him for the victory. What an action role! The question is: Do I get to do my own stunts?! Seeing as how I already have some battle wounds, i think that answer is positively yes. God's made it worth it because He knows what is best, and ultimately He won't let me stay hurt.
Adventure it may be, and yes questionable at times, but how cool is it to know that in the end - we know He wins?!

ok, gotta get to bed. early class in the morning! woo-hoo! let's hope i can sleep well and not dream of high speed car chases :)

To: Spokane. Love, God

2009-02-16T14:46:00.000-08:00

oh my goodness!! When I walked to my car to hit the gym this morning, there was a light covering of snow on the ground - it was light, sparkly, and so pretty! The sun was out and it wasn't super cold. Then, it kept getting warmer, and warmer, and the sun is shining like crazy. I actually left my coat in the car while I ran some errands! I have no clue what the temp is right now; for all I know it could be 38 degrees and feel like a heat wave for us! I don't really care either way, I just wanna enjoy it!
Thanks God ;)

dept. pink

2009-02-16T08:25:00.000-08:00

this post is a follow up to my friend, Meg's post; this is just what ya need, Meg!

2009-02-12T14:35:00.000-08:00

This photo is currently gracing my laptop wallpaper. My beautiful Mom, sweetie pie of a niece Mariah, and myself - we were baking snowman cookies!

hittin' the gym with Jesus

2009-02-07T12:05:00.000-08:00

Last year, around this time I was still running outside pretty regularly and getting ready for a March St. Paddy’s Day run. Several times when I was running, I would be on the phone with Jenn whining about how cold I was. I think I only made it through because I had a goal to run that whole race. All 5 miles. And I did! (And maybe also because Jenn called me a wuss. I won’t mention - oh wait yes I will - that she at that point didn’t have to run in super cold weather, because she was soaking up the sun in toasty Tennessee. Now, she’s in Colorado braving the bitter cold - such a trooper!)
After breaking my foot in the early summer, it still hasn’t healed enough for me to run. The thing hurts like crazy after about 15 minutes. I had found a solution in late summer and early autumn with biking - which I have so much fun with! It doesn’t work so well in the ice and snow - at least not for this one! So, after not getting much exercise at the first part of the winter, I began looking aroung for gym memberships.
I’m now once again a member of the YMCA.
Honestly, I don’t particularly like going to the gym. It’s not my favorite thing to stay there for hours and hours. I would much much rather be outside (when it’s warm) getting my workout on. But, in the winter - a whole different story.
In the winter here our days are short and dark. It can be a downer, but folks have their ways of dealing with it. I’ve been known to go to the tanning bed a time or two to just get some light...and to get warm! I’m finding though that working out at the gym makes that so much easier. The Y that I go to most of the time overlooks part of the Spokane River so I have a gorgeous view while I’m on the elliptical. With iPod intact, I finish the rest of my workout.....and actaully I’m finding that I kind of like going to the gym...or at least the effects of going. I have way more energy, I seem to get more accomplished in the day, my overall health and psyche seem better. And honestly, my prayer life is even affected. Let me explain..... One of my absolute favorite times with Jesus is when I’m out on a run or a bike ride. Normally, I pray as I go throughout my day, but in those times I am focused in - and it’s just me and Him. A similar thing happens with journaling, but when I’m getting to be physical - it just seems a bit different. I’m not saying that my whole relationship with God is based on me getting exercise, but for whatever reason - for me, and in this season, it is one of my favorite times with the Lord. I like listening to my iPod and worshipping Him, reflecting on what I’m hearing. Sometimes workouts are when I wrestle out some things with Jesus, other times He uses that to calm me down and give me some perspective.
It’s so interesting how He has wired us differently. Do you have a fave time or thing to do while hanging out with Jesus?

old/new news

2009-02-06T16:16:00.000-08:00

yep. that's what it takes before i tell you all the new things that are going on lately. i don't have much time to blog right now, but i thought i'd at least give the basics.
for starters, school started this past week. all the stress that normally follows has already promptly arrived - maybe even a bit prematurely. all is well because this is my last semester in the undergrad program. in a matter of months, i will finally have the long awaited for Bachelor of Science in Biblical Studies from Moody Bible Institute!

a few other things are keeping me busy at Living Hope (my church). my staff position changed from "Sunday Morning Maven" to "twentysomethings coordinator". twentysomethings is basically the idea of youth group, but for anyone who's twenty-something. i'm so excited about this!
another thing is a discipleship class, called zoe, that i'm heading up. thankfully on this one i have a few folks who will be teaching with me - meaning i don't have to prep every week, and the folks in the class get different voices/perspectives!

sorry this is so brief....and way overdue. probably old news to several of you.

we need each other

2009-01-05T10:20:00.000-08:00

We need each other.

Sometimes this simple sentence can seem to go against the grain of what we've been taught. At least what we've been taught by American culture. It's so embedded in us to be independent; to work especially hard to ensure that you don't have to rely on anyone else for anything. Now, I like to be independent just like the next person. But sometimes I just need other people. And that's ok, God made it that way.

Some of those times are in the mundane parts of life. For instance, here in Spokane we have a ton of snow right now. My camry has had some issues making it out of the alley at my house - she got nice and stuck and finally after a couple hours digging and a tug from a 4x4, we got it out. Thankfully, I had help. Not only did I have help becoming un-stuck, my friends have helped cart me around town in their own 4 wheel drives!

These same two folks who helped me get un - snow - stuck also happen to be the among the same people who help me get un-stuck in life. They have different perspectives to see whatever it is that they may have me stuck, yet their purpose remains the same - to point me back to Jesus, the Ultimate-Un-Stucker. (Yes I realize this is terrible grammar.) My friends speak truth, they encourage, and they get downright cold, wet, and sometimes dirty with me. They’re left with sore backs and tired arms from all the digging - yet they do it anyway, and continue to show love.

I really like doing things on my own. I want to be able to handle it. And when I can’t handle it, I usually feel guilty that a friend has to help. Not so much at that point because I couldn’t handle it - usually by then I have been reminded of my own humanity. It’s more that I feel I should only have to go to Jesus and if I’m not going to Him alone, then there is something wrong with our relationship on my end.

My friends are not the end all. Yes I should go to Jesus. And I do. My relationship with God is very personal and there are some things that will always be shared just between the two of us. However, God has designed us to be in fellowship with one another. I’m not talking only about the church potluck, I’m talking about living your life with life with people who know you and know you well. Folks with whom you stay really connected. The kind of relationship that is very honest (which can be painfully difficult at times) but that holds a certain security because at the end of the day, love is holding it all together. It’s a two way street; you are there for each other.

I am so blessed to have a good handful of these relationships in my own life. I know I can be real with these people - letting them in on the good, the bad, the wonderful, and the disgusting. And they likewise can do the same with me. We can be happy with each other over victories and bear the burden with each other during hellish times when you think you’ll never make it out whole. All the while, we encourage each other to keep believing God and pressing in close to Him.

We are frail and if we are left alone, we are in very dangerous territory. Yes, God is Almighty and can protect us like no one else - and thankfully, He does. But He has designed us to be in community. His plan : Love God. Love other people. Like He loves us. Sure our relationship with Jesus is personal and should be guarded and invested in like no other, but not to the point where we are deceived into thinking we should be going it on our own.

We were made to need each other. That’s what God said.

thankful

2008-12-26T19:07:00.000-08:00

Something's been ruminating in my mind for the last few days. I thought about bringing the topic to paper (or keyboard) but I hesitated so as not to deliver a cheesy Christmas post. The theme here is being thankful, and it my thoughts have wandered to this theme several times over the last weeks, well before the Christmas season was in full swing. It probably began when Sean (my pastor at Living Hope) preached a sermon on thankfulness. It's interesting how sermons have an affect on you; it generally goes one of two ways (if it's effective). Either you are incredibly moved at the point of hearing or the sermon seems to linger, coming up at random times and the affect seems to sink in deeply yet take a it longer. The second mode is what happened when Sean's sermon collided with my head, and perhaps my heart.
I've heard probably a billion "be thankful" sermons, and honestly sometimes I can be a cynical about the whole thing. Not that I don't want to be thankful. It's just that sometimes I forget to live in the present and therefore notice everything that's not quite in place. In the last few weeks however I have really tried to be thankful for what's in front of me. To be thankful for where God has me right now, and to enjoy really how he has blessed me. It's been mostly in the small things, but I've noticed that God has been whispering thankfulness to me. I feel like I am learning to be more thankful, but it is also producing another side effect - I'm learning to be more content. And being content makes life way more enjoyable!
Emphasis on LEARNING to be content. It's still tough sometimes thinking about the future, when I graduate, what I'm going to do, etc. But, when God reminds me to have this attitude of thankfulness, I can look back on my life so far and be reminded of how God has provided, how He has met me where I am, how He has taken care of me, and how He has loved me. Then, I can rest in knowing that He will continue to do the same. Thankfulness, like everything else, seems to be a process and one that I want to continue to grow in. God, let it be...

5 days! really?

2008-12-20T20:47:00.000-08:00

it's so hard to believe that i've been in Tennessee for 5 days already! that may be due in part to the fact that my body has yet to adjust to this time zone and it's got me all kinds of jacked up on the sleeping schedule. (for instance, last night i was wide awake between the hours 4 am and about 5:45 am....who knows!?) it also could be flying by because i'm just having so much fun! it seems like this trip has been less stressful than usual. i've just been able to take it easy and spend a lot of time hanging out with my family, and some friends, which has been really good!
it's so nice to have a break from school and just spend time with people - no having to rush to get homework done, or study, or write a paper. just hang out with people i rarely get to see! (Now, if only Jenn Lockerman would get her booty into town!!! - it just doesn't seem the same without you pal!)

so far....

2008-12-18T21:12:00.000-08:00

I'm in Tennessee right now and having a blast so far!
I'm quite glad that I made it seeing as how Spokane is experiencing a blizzard right now! I think the last I heard was 27 in. and it's still coming down hard. Things are actually closed down which is a rarity in our town. My pals are snuggled up inside and definitely snowed in. Let's pray that folks keep their power and stay warm!
This trip has proven to be the worst as far as jet lag is concerned. Usually, I don't have any problems adjusting after the first day, but I cannot seem to get my body used to Tennessee time. The goal is to wake up early tomorrow - no matter what time I actually get to bed tonight - and just tough it out. I keep going to bed late and then waking up late - which is actually the normal Spokane time. My body is a tad confused. So hopefully my tomorrow plan will work. *I may have to employ some full bodied caffeinated coffee, and forego the usual decaf to get the intended results, but hey that should work right?

Onto a great moment from the mind of a child....
I got to spend the afternoon with my mom and my adorable little niece, Mariah, who is 8 years old. This kid has such a tender heart and is one of the most dramatic little chicks I know. (I usually get a bit of flack for this because neither her mother or my other sister are dramatic so usually they attribute that little fabulous characteristic to Yours Truly!) Anyways, I'll let you in on the conversation that took place today while we were in the Walmart parking lot after having previously left the mall.

Mariah: "Look at those little birds trying to find some food to eat."
Pause. (for dramatic effect of course.)
"If only I collected worms!........I saw a worm in the parking lot at the mall."

So cute! I loved this conversation. Probably among my favorite moments with this little one.

More tender Tennessee moments to come in the next couple weeks! :)

baby, it's COLD outside!

2008-12-14T20:42:00.000-08:00

baby, it's COLD outside!
that may just be the understatement of the year! it is fuh-reezing in Spokane right now. I believe it was around 6 degrees today with a 5 mph wind. as i was walking to my car after work tonight - only 2 blocks away, my fingers were hurting because it was so cold, and I had gloves on! tomorrow the low is supposed to be -10 degrees! snow, ice, and cold temps - i think it's safe to say that winter is here.
well, school is finished up for the semester - only one more to go until graduation! Tuesday, I will be heading to Tennessee for a Christmas trip and definitely looking forward to the warmer weather while I'm there!

lights! music! Christmas!

2008-12-07T18:06:00.000-08:00

Downtown Spokane is spectacular around the holidays! I absolutely love the way they (whoever the proverbial "they" are) decorate in such grandiose holiday attire! The streets are lined with lights on the lamp posts along with decorations. There is a humongous tree in the middle of the downtown mall. People are all over the place doing Christmas shopping, simultaneously sipping some form of a hot liquid out of those (RED) cups from the coffee place that can be found on every corner here. Restaurants are packed with holiday parties benefiting (if they tip well) all who are involved. Not to mention Christmas music is playing in background every where you go. Face it - it just doesn't leave your noggin through the month of December. I really enjoy the festivity!
I love that God blesses us in letting us enjoy the small things as well as the big things in life. It's just another way that I know He loves me. It was such a great reminder as I was downtown tonight even. To know that God just loves me so much. It's sweet when He reminds me even in the smallest ways to reflect back on the biggest demonstration of His love - that He would give His life to be with me.

Luigi's

2008-11-24T12:31:00.000-08:00

I have a new job!!!!!
I'm working at an Italian restaurant in Spokane called Luigi's. I started on Friday night working as a hostess and I begin server training this evening. I'll be alternating between the two positions. Even on my first night, I could tell the place is a well oiled rig. Even on a busy Friday night, plus an unexpected party of 50-60 people, things were exceptionally smooth! I'm really excited about working here! Check it out here: www.luigis-spokane.com

2008-11-17T10:28:00.000-08:00

This spot is one of my new favorite places in Spokane. I think I heart it for several reasons and some of them you can't see in this picture, which was by the way taken on my phone. This place is within reasonable distance to my house and I have frequented running past it lately. It's on the nearby Gonzaga U campus, and it sits just nicely on the Spokane River. Looking out over the river, you can see a cool view of the downtown area. But my favorite part, is that even though it's smack in the middle of all those things, it feels like I'm in a remote little place. And...it's just beautiful!

When I went for my run this morning I had a lot on my mind. It was one of those "It's so easy to get up and run today because I need to get some energy out" kind of days. Those are so much easier to get started than the "i need to run because it's good for me" kind of days. At church, Sean said something in the message yesterday that is really resonating in me. He was talking about Jacob and his wrestling match with the Lord, which resulting in God blessing him and changing his name. He said that we shouldn't trust a Christian without a limp. (Don't miss this. His point was not about trusting people, but rather that even when you are a royal screw up there is something to be said about wrestling the thing out with the Lord.) It's not about being perfect and walking a flawless life. Let's get in the ring and wrestle things out with the Lord so that we walk out with a new name and the blessing of God. This then sent me back to a message that Joe preached a few weeks ago where he basically said that the opposites of our biggest fear, failure, or defeat, are often the biggest promises for our life when it's turned around.

I love that I can run and get some physical energy out, process some of the things running around in my head, and then park it for a little rest at this spot. Cool huh?

and so it begins......too early

2008-11-14T18:01:00.000-08:00

last night i got very little sleep, thus resulting in my pressing of the snooze alarm about 5 times. when i finally got up, i had about 20 minutes to shower and get to class. no worries. easily done. because i live really close to campus, i usually walk or ride my bike, but since i was cutting it close on time - and not feeling well - i decided to be lazy and drive. i walked out to my car to find a little surprise: my windows were iced over. brrrr! i don't think that winter is quite here yet, i mean, we haven't had our first snow yet, but the fact that i had to scrape my windows before being able to drive to school definitely attest to the fact the cold, winter months are quickly approaching. well, at least we made it through October before it started. there's something to be said for that. i definitely enjoy specific aspects of all the seasons - even winter - but i do hope it's a short one. i am so not a fan of freezing. on the brighter side, it is absolutely beautiful when snow covers everything in these parts! We have quite the imaginative Creator! let's jut hope it's not a super long winter!

All I Need

2008-11-12T10:25:00.000-08:00

I love knowing that God really is all that I need. Even when I don't feel like He's enough - when I feel like I am missing something. I'm amazed this morning at Christ's love for me - that He continues to draw me to Himself, that He continues to take care of me, that He keeps loving. And even more amazing, is that His love has nothing to do with my love for Him, or me being good enough to deserve Him. He doesn't stop when I mess up; He doesn't even stop when I mean to sin. Nope - His love for me is relentless and incredibly capacious. Because of the hypostatic union, he gets it. He is God. He is Man. My High Priest understands. Because of the sacrifice, I am covered in the grace of His blood. Clean. Forgiven. Not because of me, because of Him. I didn't do a thing to earn it and I can't do a darn thing to keep the salvation that is life to me. What beauty! How great is the love that the Father has lavished on us - that He would call His kids, His very own!
Check out these lyrics....

All I Need
BY JJ AND DAVID HELLER

Don’t need a thing
My good Shepherd brings me all
You are all I need

You let me catch my breath
Even in the valley of death
You are all I need

All I need to be complete
Is Your love
Your blood that covers me

You lift up my head
You provide the wine and bread
You, You are all I need

There’s no need to fear
Even with my enemies here
You are all I need

All I need to be complete
Is Your love
Your blood that covers me

Goodness and mercy are following me
You’re all that I need
You make a home for me
Where pastures are green as far as I see
You are all I need

All I need to be complete
Is Your love
Your blood that covers me

what to say?

2008-11-05T19:05:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to get my hair cut, well more like trimmed. I've been wanting, no needing, to get it trimmed for quite some time so I went to the only place I can afford at this stage in the game - cosmetology school. Not gonna lie, it makes me a little nervous but hey if it's just a trim, how much can really be messed up?! I was looking forward to it because for whatever reason I was a bit stressed yesterday and just wanted to relax and what better to do that then get a head massage/shampoo and fresh hair cut all for $5!

I've gone to this particular place before; it's located in a pretty poor part of town. Wait, that's an understatement - it is, in fact, the poorest zip code in the state of Washington. I've had the chance to chat with a few of the girls who go to school there and usually get filled in on parts of their story. Generally, these girls (and guys I suppose to be PC, although I have only ever talked with girls...) are busting their butts to go to school, and to work, and make ends meet.

The girl who took care of me yesterday was no different. She is working her way through school while working almost full time at a local fast food joint. She will finish up school the same time as me - the end of May. We were chit chatting about random things and then she started to open up to me. She shared with me that just last week her mom had been diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer. She will begin to undergo radiation treatment immediately. 60% of people who have this kind of cancer live for about 5 years with continued treatment. Not only is her mother facing a health crisis in her physical body, but she has also battled with mental issues. Before going into the hospital, her mother had been homeless.

There are few times in my life where I have just been speechless, but this was one of them. I honestly felt like I had no words to say to this girl. She knew that I was in Bible college and we talked about God and the church for a little bit. It's kind of awkward trying to have personal conversations with so many people around listening. I so wanted to hear more of this girl's story. She asked what church I went to and then said that she had heard of Living Hope. Sidenote: I love that LH is so involved in taking care of community needs; that we uphold in principle the idea of subsidiarity - that the problem is best solved by those closest to it and in doing so provide food and clothing to the people in our community (again our church is located in the poorest WA zip code). I know it's not only about physical needs, but that's a heck of a good starting place. Anyways, I gave her my number and invited her to come. I so hope she comes. Or at least calls. I told her that I would be praying for her mom and her family as they are taking care of her.

I so want this girl to know that there is a God who cares so much about her and about what is going on in her life. Sometimes life is just so hard. And I feel like I should have more to offer someone about the difficulties in life than I do. But at the end of the day (and at the beginning and middle), I know that it is in relationship with my God that I am sustained. Yes, the body of Christ is here for a reason. Absolutely. We are called to reach people, of course. But there is a connection point that must take place between human and God Almighty. It's not that I don't have a lot to say about life situations, or even theology for that matter. It's more that sometimes it seems entirely insensitive to spout off those things right away. They end up sounding cliche and I'm sure that's the last thing that girl needs and wants to hear. Maybe I should have said more, but there just weren't any words. I kept asking God to help me love on her - whatever that looked like in that moment. I wanted to tell her that it would all be ok, but I don't know that. I wanted to be able to tell her that God will heal her through this treatment, but I don't know that He will. What to say?

As I was leaving, I checked my phone and saw a text from my mom. My stepdad, Dennis, is going to have surgery again. He had surgery a few weeks ago on his throat; the dr's removed something and did a biopsy. It was cancer but they were convinced that they had gotten it all. At his dr. visit yesterday, he was informed that he would have to do it all over again. Either they missed some, or it had come back. Is it all gonna be okay? What to say?

A few weeks ago, a woman at our church lost her husband, had her van stolen, and lost her job all in one week. Yes all in one week. What to say?

I met with our new pastor, Sean, today over a cup of coffee. We were talking about God leading people in different places in life and hearing from God in various methods whether it's concerning a crisis or need of direction, or need of any kind for that matter. It still will always come down to faith.

This is precisely where faith enters in and God holds you up. It's hard to figure out life stuff. Sometimes it seems like it can be hell on earth and you wonder why people get slammed when it seems like they can't stand up anymore. I'm not talking about an easy crutch faith. The hell with that! I'm talking about the kind of faith that lasts when your world seems to be rocked - when you are hit on absolutely every side possible and yet you know that God is good, that He is for you, and that He is working things together for your good - even when it seems like that is furthest thing possible. Honestly, I'm not sure i even understand this kind of faith. Not experientially. I'm thankful that God is willing to journey with us and not put more on any one of us than we can handle. He knows our limits and He also knows He isn't limited. Not by a thing! He walks with us, step by step, making us into disciples that say yes to Him, follow Him, become intimate with Him, and then remain in Him. He is not asking people to believe Him blindly; He has given His very life and has shown that He is trustworthy.

So what to say? "In You, Lord, in You, I put my trust." It may take time to get there; that statement spoken in full sincerity is out of a heart of belief. It's based on relationship. Sometimes I can say that fully believing it with everything (as far as I know) in me. Other times, I have to say that as a prayer, asking God to help me put my trust in Him alone.

from flicker to flame

2008-10-30T14:10:00.000-07:00

There's a candle burning, the flames at both ends
Any attempts are welcomed to slow it by an exacerbated wind
Still it burns; the heat rising, the wax falling
The light is soon fading.
The pressure so intense, and for what?
To be left in the dark?

I want to trade this melting candle
To give it up in exchange for Love
To cease striving to maintain my little flicker
One that's too quickly fleeting

There's something better that's not my own
The Light that never retires
Rather continually ignites
Building a fire, fanning a flame
Of passion, hope, desire, and love
Light that consumes me, not to harm but to relieve

In His Light, I can just be.
No need to worry, No place for fear
It's not mine to keep lit, or maintain
Responsibility rests in the hand of the Maker of the flame
The Consumed now radiates for His glory.

____________________________________________________________

justified

2008-10-27T20:45:00.000-07:00

Justification by Faith

"I am not saved by believing - I simply realize I am saved by believing. And it is not repentance that saves me - repentance is only the sign that I realize what God has done through Jesus Christ. The danger here is putting the emphasis on the effect, instead of on the cause. Is it my obedience, consecration, and dedication that make me right with God? It is never that! I am made right with God because, prior to all of that, Christ died. When I turn to God and by belief accept what God reveals, the miraculous atonement by the Cross of Christ instantly places me into a right relationship with God. And as a result of the supernatural miracle of God's grace I stand justified, not because I am sorry for my sin, or because I have repented, but because of what Jesus has done. The Spirit of God brings justification with a shattering, radiant light, and I know that I am saved, even though I don't know how it was accomplished.
The salvation that comes from God is not based on human logic, but on the sacrificial death of Jesus. We can be born again solely because of the atonement of our Lord. Sinful men and women can be changed into new creations, not through their repentance or their belief, but through the wonderful work of God in Christ Jesus which preceded all of our experience. (2 Corinthians 5:17-19) The unconquerable safety of justification and sanctification is God Himself. We do not have to accomplish these things ourselves - they have been accomplished through the atonement of the Cross of Christ. The supernatural becomes natural to us through the miracle of God, and there is the realization of what Jesus Christ has already done - "It is finished!" (John 19:30)"
- Oswald Chambers

Ray Stevens - squirrel ... so funny!

2008-10-22T13:56:00.000-07:00

please help!!! - Marriage survey

2008-10-18T16:15:00.000-07:00

Update: Thanks so much for replying! I really appreciate your input!

Hey yall! Would ya help me out with a homework assignment for my cultural anthropology class? - I promise it's not cheating ;)

Basically, I need to do a little questionnaire on the topic of marriage but I want to hear from single folks and married folks. I know I get a lot of hits on my blog but I don't know who most of you are because few of you actually comment. Please please please respond to this by Tuesday night, either by posting a comment or by emailing me at tiffaniepaige@gmail.com.

Ok, here are some questions:

What's your age?

Single or Married?

How might you define what a marriage is?

Where/How did you develop this view?

Thanks a bunch yall!

it's OK

2008-10-16T19:39:00.001-07:00

it's currently 7:39 pm and i have a midterm at 7:45 am tomorrow. i have not even begun to study for it. haven't looked at notes. haven't started to memorize the 8 Scripture verses that i must know. i swear i used to be more responsible. i have been working on other things lately, definitely doing my share of homework and paper writing. i just put studying for this off because...well i don't know i don't think it will be a big deal. i like the class a lot and have pretty much got a good handle on the main elements. minus my memory verses. i had planned to do nothing but studying today and i haven't even started. i did however accomplish a LOT of other things and have had a great day. i got to have coffee with two of my favorite folks, Joe and Charity....well actually no one had coffee, there was a diet coke, a hot chocolate, and tea in the mix but in the northwest we say everything is coffee kinda like the south says coke i guess. anyway, then i was at Living Hope for a while being trained for something new, i then went to the library, and to the store, and then I went to see my friend Harmony and met her new baby boy, Parker. I came home, went for a bike ride, made dinner, chatted with a roomie (great chat!!!) and now...I AM BLOGGING which i probably have no business doing. Now, it could be very tempting for me to beat my own butt right about now for how i don't have it all together, and how i should be doing this and shouldn't be doing that but i'm not going to. mostly, because i know God doesn't. I am gonna choose to believe Him, not try to judge myself, rest in the grace that He has given me this day, and enjoy Him! Now, I am also going to study! It's OK!

the battle...

2008-10-14T21:22:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like the enemy (satan's bunch) just kicks the door in and starts opening fire with a semi-automatic, seemingly bringing destruction to every place the weapon points, yet you don't have a clue that you've even been attacked until the fight's over and you find yourself in a mess?

I felt like this today. Made me so mad when I realized I'd been had and didn't do a thing about fighting back. Just to clarify before I start into this thing, I don't believe that every tough thing is a battle or that there is a demon behind every door, or that we have to always be on the lookout in fear of what the God-haters will do in the spiritual realm. Honestly, sometimes I think we can give those crafty schemers WAY too much credit. Sometimes. Other times, there needs to be a realization that it is part of being human and facing temptation. It isn't necessarily a bad thing if it is building up good things in us as God's kids. Still other times, we fail to realize that there is even a battle raging; a battle between the Image Bearers of God and the one who wanted to be God - satan's attack is on us. We think we are just doing something wrong, failing again, thinking wrong thoughts which lead to wrong actions. I'm not just speaking of temptation in the sense that we are drawn to do something that is sin. Though that is included, I'm talking about a wider, more broad sense of attack. I guess in a large sense it does involve being tempted to not believe God but sometimes the enemy seems to blow through at such a rapid pace that it seems you don't even know what hit you.

I've been thinking a lot about fighting and battles lately. In my own walk with God, I have sensed that this is something He is teaching me; He's training me to fight. I absolutely know that my God fights for me. Always has and always will. But, He also wants to train me to engage in the battle. The Holy Scripts talk so much about it; it's evident that we're in a war zone. I'm so glad to know the end of the story and to know that it won't always be this way, that one day our God is gonna totally pull out the brass knuckles and go to town on some boys that deserve a tale whippin'! That might be the understatement of the century, but you get it. In the meantime, I really think that He training me up as a princess warrior to see some victory. It's tough right now because I feel like a pansy who just doesn't want to fight - which is true. But if God thinks this is best, then I guess to boot camp we go.

It's not that I don't know how to fight at all. I know that prayer and being in God's Word as part of a relationship with Christ is crucial to winning. For sure. And I'm not necessarily saying that there is anything more or less that is needed. The thing I am certain of is that whatever it takes to fight and to fight well God has it! I think for the most part I know how to fight those temptation battles, not saying I always do but I at least know what it looks like to fight and win. Seems like the heat in these battles are turning up though. The ones in those....I guess surprise attacks that knock you on your butt and make you wonder how you survived with that many shots being fired.

Maybe I'm just still in the middle of this and can't quite get my mind around it...yet. I know that God will be faithful as He promised and I so want to be trained to fight well and wisely. In the meantime, I'm quite thankful that I am protected my Him even when I feel like I have been terribly assaulted. God, please teach me and train me up; show me what it's supposed to look like to engage in these battles and see victory in Jesus name.

new blog

2008-10-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

Hey folks! Welcome to the new blog. I will still keep the one on wordpress (tiffaniepaige.wordpress.com)open for a bit, until I see how I like blogger. I do plan on only posting new notes onto this one though. I'm making the decision to switch because it is easier to incorporate photography onto the blogger site. And...there are some other fun gadgets I wanna use as well. Thanks for checking it out!